They Didn’t Have to Die: A Few Thoughts on Youth Bullying and Suicide

Recently I read about how Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover and Jaheem Herrera, those two 11-year old boys in Boston and Atlanta (respectively), hanged themselved because they were constantly being bullied at school and they could not take the abuse anymore.

This tragedy hit home due to the fact that when I was eleven and in elementary and junior high school, I was taunted and harassed much like those two youngsters.

Because I was different from the other kids, wasn’t that good at sports (until much later), didn’t like to fight, and was successful at school, I was picked on, put down, shunned, punched, and called names like goofy, dork, ape, and – pardon the expression – a ”faggot”, just like Carl and Jaheem. My life was miserable at times because of this, so much so that there were days where I just stayed home and avoided school.

While I harbored no suicidal thoughts – at least until later on – as I read about those two boys I couldn’t help thinking that had I been so inclined, that could have been me hanging from a railing or in a closet during those days.

It also made me angry that not enough was done at those boys’ schools to stop the homophobic taunting and bullying of Carl and Jaheem.

They did not have to die.

On the other hand, having worked with children in education and sports for a number of years, I understand completely that the school atmospheres that those youngsters were in were apparently not right for them; their needs were clearly not being met.

They would have likely been better off in a learning environment that was smaller and more nuturing, where the student population was more like them. Or even home-schooled.

Having said that, if those bullies and thugs – and that’s exactly who they are – who taunted and harassed Carl and Jaheem were taken by the scuff of their necks and tossed out of school, like I feel they should have, then those two boys, who were excellent students and high achievers, would still be with us now.

In fact, I will say that in a sense, Carl and Jaheem did not kill themselves – those bullies, by their anti-gay taunts and harassments, killed them.

They may have not put the electrical cord around their necks, but they are the reason that those two young men are dead.

And that, in my view, is a form of murder.

While it is true that schools have done quite a bit in recent years to curtail bullying, much more needs to be done.

If I was the principal of a school, I would install a zero-tolerance policy towards bullying, taunting, and harassment; an automatic detention for a first offense, followed by suspension and expulsion if the bullies failed to change their ways.

That’s what should have happened at the schools where those kids were at. It would have saved two lives.

In the meantime, I obviously feel for Carl and Jaheem, their families, and any other child who’s picked on and put down for being outside of the social mainstream and not being so-called”cool”. In my years working at different schools, I often found myself gravitating toward those kids; befriending them, making sure they were OK and not being bullied, and doing whatever I could to ensure such.

I certainly hope that these suicides serve as a lesson and a wake-up call at schools across America, because this could easily happen anywhere.

If this tragedy causes even one school to deal with bullies with the severity that they so deserve, then – to coin a cliche’ – those two young men’s deaths will not have been in vain.