Can I Not be Asian?

Now-a-days I proudly announce that I am from Taiwan, a small Asian island forever seeking for its identity and seeking for independence. Perhaps that’s where I got it from. In the beginning, I never thought it was a cool thing to be Asian. Many of the traditions and things associated with being Asia just wasn’t my cup of tea.

Moving out at the age of 18 was a big deal in the 90s. That’s exactly what I expected when I turned 18 and got myself into a university placement.

“I am moving out on Friday. A friend is going to help me with my stuff.” I said at the dinner table, determined. I figured that was one way to keep your parents from arguing with you. Don’t give them a question; just give them a solid statement to work with.

“Why can’t you just stay at home like all other girls? See the Wong girls? They are working full time now but they still stay at home.” Mum protests, as expected.

“What about the Johnstons then? They all live independently now”

“Oh, but they are different.”

That’s so typical of Mum’s arguments. Always bringing other families she knows into it, and only the ones that favour her opinions. The ones that don’t are just “different”. They are different because they are not Asian and apparently that has a big impact on how kids are to be raised and how we should behave, even if we all live in the same country.

“You are not old enough sweet. You will understand when you are.”

I didn’t understand, and even to this day, I still battle the question of when is exactly old enough. When I turned 18, I thought that was “old” enough. It was for all my other friends and I couldn’t comprehend why it wasn’t for me.

I remained silent and ate the last pork chop on the plate. I knew I wasn’t coming back to live. Moving out had been on my mind for a long time, all my friends have their own apartments now, I just couldn’t understand why my parents can get so upset. I often envy how my friends’ families can be such great friends among each other, how they now have experienced everything about life and know how to deal with things. I wanted out. I wanted freedom.