According to a recent article in Newsweek “College educated black women already earn more than the median for all black working men…Only 13.5% of young black females are high school dropouts whereas more than 17% of young black men are.”

Black women have climbed America’s social economic ladder in strides in comparison to the black man. Economically speaking, black women can claim victory for remaining focused in an educational setting and working diligently in the work force to obtain managerial and professional positions. If we as black women can claim victory for moving ahead economically, we must be intelligent enough, wise enough and strong enough to claim defeat in raising our young black men.

The black men that we are leaving behind do not belong to another race, culture or ethnic group. These men are not from mars or from across the sea. The men they we are leaving behind are our sons, brothers, cousins, uncles and fathers. These are the men who were raised in the same homes with us. Before the black man was thrust into the walls of prison, he was nurtured in the walls of the womb of the black woman. If we have found a way to instill in our daughters to remain in school and not our sons, something is spiritually amidst in the way we are socializing our black male child.

One of the main mistakes that I have observed that black mothers make is that they encourage black boys to take on the responsibilities of black men. Many refer to their sons as, “Mommas little man who is going to take care of momma one day.” Psychologically, this makes the child feel responsible for the well being of his mother. The parental role is being reversed. Before the black male child can develop into a responsible man, he must first be nurtured and cared for as a child. As mothers and caregivers we should be concerned with curfew hours, homework assignments and actually participating in social activities with our children, regardless of gender.

I think many young black men feel pressure to earn money at a young age to help their families. As mothers we should encourage them to do well in school, while we do whatever is necessary to take care of them. The late rap artist Tupac Shakur said it best in his song, Dear Momma, “Even though I sell rocks, it feels good putting money in your mailbox.” Many mothers know that their sons are hustling to make money, hoping to strike it rich to provide for his family. In my opinion, this is the root of why so many of our young black men are in jail… trying to make money the fast way to please momma. As black mothers, I feel we inadvertently encourage this behavior. The black male must first be a nurtured child before he can grow into a strong man.

The second component is that some black parents provide the male child with superficial status symbols of masculinity such as encouraging him to engage in early sex, buying them cars and expensive clothing and not enforcing curfews. They want to imitate the appearance of success without providing the child with the opportunities that will build long-term character, inner strength and determination.

I have two brothers. All three of us were raised in a two-parent home, same father. I have five college degrees, neither one of my brothers attended college. My father repeatedly told me that my college education would be my husband. My parent’s expected me to come home at a certain time, even though I was the oldest child and was home from college. My brothers were allowed to come home when they felt like it. My father bought my brothers their first car. I bought my own first car. My parents were concerned with making sure that my brothers had the status symbols of masculinity, but not the spiritual strength to overcome obstacles. I feel that my parents raised me, but they pampered my brothers.

I know that that black women are not totally responsible for the social and economic condition of black men in American society. Yes, of course black males are partially responsible. I am personally taking my fifty percent of the blame in hopes of raising my 15-year-old son to be first and foremost a person that he can be proud of and secondly a husband that any woman would be proud to have.