Five Criminal Characters That Were Misclassified as Heroes
Fairy stories told in a way you’ve never heard before. Yes, really. Do not read if you’re of the traditional kind.
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Jack and the Bean Stalk
Jack was a regular liar and a con artist. He scammed the Giant’s wife – twice! The kind woman invited him into her home while her hubby was at work. She took care of him and fed him despite being scared of her husband’s reaction to her visitor. Meanwhile, unemployed Jack was salivating about the larger couple’s possessions.
He planned the theft, executed it, then stashed his loot at his mother’s house. When hardworking Mr. Giant rightfully became indignant at this little criminal’s behaviour and followed him down the bean stalk to reclaim his possessions, Jack enlisted his mother to help murder him.
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Goldilocks and The Three Bears
This spoilt little girl started her criminal life at a very young age when she first broke into the Bears’ neat, little home. Not content with breaking and entering, she then violated their privacy by stealing their food, breaking their furniture and vandalising their bedroom.
When they arrived home after their family stroll through the woods and found her in their home, she ran off and sold an untrue sob story to the paparazzi, laying all the blame on the innocent family. Being blonde and blue-eyed, she’s quickly able to establish herself as the victim, while the decent (though heavier, less attractive and possibly dyslexic) family is unfairly ridiculed.
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Puss in Boots
Puss was one naughty kitty! Unfortunately he had the most stupid, lazy master in history, so one can understand if his depression finally gave into a complete ‘postal’ breakdown. Not only did his boss allow his pet cat to lie and steal for him, he was also quite happy when the animal murdered the rightful owner of the estate on his behalf.
Okay, so the ogre was ugly and his foreign actions may not have been to the locals’ taste. Not all of us can look and smell good and being different does not translate into being worthless. However, this very important social concept escaped psycho cat who felt he had the right to murder Mr. Ogre in cold blood.
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Ali Baba
Ali Baba acquired his wealth by stealing from a group of thieves. If the message we profess is that thieves are a nuisance to our society; scoundrels to be avoided at all cost, then stealing from them is committing the very act we judge as criminal. Thinking that we have a right to steal from them therefore, makes us even worse than they are because we’re adding hypocrisy to our offences.
Ali’s brother, another villain attempts to haul some of the loot himself only to be caught and murdered. This starts a sticky, wet trail of bloodshed orchestrated by Ali Baba’s equally roguish servant girl and serial killer, Morgiana. By her deliberate actions she caused the deaths of members of the gang, then eventually killed a man with her own hands.
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The Princess and the Pea
She was not exactly a criminal, just a spoilt ungrateful brat who didn’t know how to practice social graces. She was taken in by the queen of the castle, given dry clothes, food and granted, an extremely high bed on which to rest her weary head. She was a stranger to the elite family. She was wet and bedraggled and was lucky to be welcomed and offered such unlimited hospitality.
Her response to their kindness early the next morning was to complain about one tiny pea lost in the thickness and softness of the many mattresses placed on top of it. Mind you, she was rewarded for her diva strop by marrying the prince. Some may say that the two of them deserved each other anyway since his serial fault-finding of countless potential brides proved that he was just as spoilt as the stroppy pea fuss-pot.
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User Comments
raman13
On September 8, 2009 at 7:39 am
Very informative and interesting
Keep the good work on
Best Regards
cutedrishti8
On September 8, 2009 at 9:47 am
Great work…Nice one to share..Thanks
Karen Gross
On September 8, 2009 at 10:39 am
What a great eye opener! As a school librarian in a Christian school, I had a wide range of complaints from students and parents, from why I refused to put books like the Harry Potter series on the shelves (I had one parent ask who I thought I was to censor the students reading) to the other extreme of parents who wanted all the fairy tales with witches and dragons off the shelves.
You are right – a lot of the classics, especially in their original (pre-Disney) versions that blurred the lines between good and evil.
Chris Marlowe II
On September 8, 2009 at 10:40 am
Dear Mrs A.L. Garner,
The title of your fine article reads “Five Criminal Characters That Were Misclassified as Heroes…?” – Well, why don’t you make six of them? Let’s talk about good old William Shakespeare who allegedly wrote the stuff where his name was printed upon… and not me:
Yours Truly,
the One & Only
Troll of Triond
Alexa Gates
On September 8, 2009 at 12:10 pm
you’re right! fun piece
David Crerand
On September 8, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Very amusing. As always, it is just a matter of perspective!
Preston Carew
On September 8, 2009 at 6:17 pm
If you think Ali Baba is criminal, does that go for Robin Hood, too? So are most democrats, as they tax the rich to give the poor better education, etcetera. I’m totally fine with taking from the rich if it improves the lives of others. I guess that’s the Utilitarian in me.
James Beattie Morison
On September 8, 2009 at 7:34 pm
I liked this piece. While it is humourous, it does show that other people can look at things differently than you.
JumpingHobo
On September 8, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Well you could add one person, Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz.
Following the book/ play Wicked, were Dorothy is made out to be the bad person. She killed the Wicked Witch of the West sister, the Wicked Witch of the East. The Wicked Witch of the West wanted the shoes as a keep sake to remember her sister.
So you could add her in….
gary smith
On September 8, 2009 at 8:11 pm
lol…very interesting with alotta great points
CA Johnson
On September 8, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Great article! I am really enjoying this series about the characters on television and fairy tales. Are you going to include movie characters too?
Purnomosidhi
On September 8, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Unique perspective! Thumb up
valli
On September 8, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Interesting and funny read.
Humming Buzz
On September 8, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Love this- funny and different.
I always preferred the old-fashioned versions of the fairy tales: none of that nicey-wicey stuff.
In the original Goldilocks, she was eaten. Today, she would have got 5-10 on a B&E charge…
& I never understood the pea business…I think a Serta mattress would have solved the whole issue.
R.B. Parsley
On September 9, 2009 at 12:12 am
Anne,
I read every one of these stories as a kid., and then I saw them on Walt Disney. I knew then, these characters weren’t heroes. I always felt sorry for the victims in the stories and not for the supposed hero. When I was a kid, I didn’t ever consider Jack as a hero when he cut down the bean stalk. All he was doing was trying to save his own butt from the giant who was actually the victim. Excellent article, Anne!!! People don’t stop and think about what their reading, and when they do, they have that oh yeah moment and then feel stupid for not realizing the heroes of these stories aren’t really heroes at all. I knew it as a kid. I don’t know why, but the writers of these stories must have thought kids are so stupid they wouldn’t know the difference. But guess what? They do!!! A definite thumbs up on this Anne!
Randy
JoshuaD
On September 9, 2009 at 12:12 am
Well done. That was funny.
RJ Chamberlain
On September 9, 2009 at 12:19 am
Cool spin on some traditional tales. Enjoyable read.
RJ
athena goodlight
On September 9, 2009 at 1:37 am
Very good commentary on these characters. Not all fairy tale heroes and heroines are to be emulated. These info would be very good additions to the story telling time activities. Thanks, I really enjoyed reading your article.
ginahinderliter
On September 9, 2009 at 1:45 am
very cute
antondane
On September 9, 2009 at 2:44 am
Haha, at last the truth, reminds me of the day my parents said Santa doesnt exist. TY for the great read.
Lucas Dié
On September 9, 2009 at 3:24 am
Utter bliss! This was extremely well done … more please!
Monica Sappleton
On September 9, 2009 at 5:35 am
An excellent article. I like your interpretation of the princess character. Great going.
Monica.
BC Doan
On September 9, 2009 at 7:45 am
What a great and unexpected translation of these tales! You have a very special perspective on these! Love it!
Nelson Doyle
On September 15, 2009 at 5:57 am
Awesome writing and read, Anne. The Golden Books that I grew up reading featured thieves and robbers as heroes, but then again I always knew that these characters were really bad people made out to look like good people.
May God Bless you and this article.
Nelson Doyle
Anne Lyken Garner
On September 15, 2009 at 6:16 am
Thank you all for reading and commenting. I appreciate the wonderful feedback.
Antonette Ramos
On September 19, 2009 at 6:13 am
love it!!!
davchild
On September 28, 2009 at 5:06 pm
This is interesting. Just goes to show how we are almost absentmindedly brainwashed into accepting one side of the story from an early age.
diamondpoet
On October 5, 2009 at 3:20 pm
If I were to have any more children, you would not be the babysitter, I would hire. Give my poor children nightmares. That was nicely done.
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