Five Myths About Zombies

I mean seriously. They are still humans and unless their brains have already been eaten by another zombie they still know what words are. Sure their voices may be a little rough but wouldn’t any survivors who has been running all day be to. They don’t even have to yell a word that makes since most likely if they just yelled “kumquat” people would just assume it was a person suffering hysteria and throw open the door, only to be mauled to death.

Brai… I mean Help, Help!!!

Even if the humans they are trying to get a hold of are to smart for their zombie shenanigans, they could still talk to help set more effective traps. Or maybe just talk to fulfill humans deepest desire of friendship. Or maybe they could talk to elect their newest zombie leader.

Its time for Brains.

3) Only headshots can kill zombies.

You are running from a large group of zombie assailants turning around every now and then to pull of a head shot and stop one of the bastards. You have to get a head shot because you know that you have to destroy the brain to kill the ghoul. 

BOOM.. Head shot

If only you could actually hit one of their heads. Considering how small the head is compared to the chest it seems like it may make more since to aim for ,oh I don’t know, THE HEART. You know, that organ that transports blood which is absolutely necessary for life. Or if you miss that you might hit one of those 2 lungs that is necessary to transport oxygen, you know, for breathing.

So while a head shot may seem cool to you and you’r post apocalyptic friends, its an unneeded risk of lost ammo if it gets the same results as putting a shot in his chest. Plus a head shot means that much more brain matter to attract more zombies.

I smell brain.

4) Zombies can walk (let alone run)

You are out of ammo and are forced to abandon you’r shelter. A large swarm of zombies charge down a hill towards you, smelling the piss dripping down your leg. You must make it to you’r get away vehicle before they make it to you’r precious head and devour it.

Black Friday at Walmart 

This is an issue that started developing more recently in zombie movies. Zombies that are able to keep up with the food they are devouring. While this may seem horrifying, it isn’t exactly true. If you are a healthy adult living in america than chances are that 1/3 of those zombies are more obese than you so you can easily out run them. Another good chunk of those people are probably children which, with their short little legs, wouldn’t stand much of a chance.

CARRY ME!!!

For the rest of the zombie populace their isn’t much need to worry. 1st Think about how clumsy zombies are, they probably sprain and twist their ankles every 2 seconds. 2nd Think of how much blood a zombie loses after infected, they are probably as dizzy as a drunk on a tilt-a-whirl. 3rd That whole rotting flesh thing probably doesn’t help protect their leg muscle from deteriating.

If you are worried that the zombies may crawl on their hands after you, don’t. Go ahead and try doing that right now. Now if you think you could do that for a minute, good for you. Now do it for a minute while keeping up with someone running for their life.

Ill catch up.

5) The zombie apocalypse will never end

You have built the most impenetrable fort in the entire planet. No zombie can ever get into it and devour you’r precious brains. All you have to do is wait for help to come. Then a horrible thought comes to mind, what if this zombocalypse never ends? What if help never comes? You then put yourself out of your misery with a pistol to the face.

Do it Pussy

Well yes, the zombocalypse will end, and most likely relatively quickly. Remember how I mentioned zombies losing blood? Well ya, you kinda need that to function. Also, since zombies only want to eat human brains and not find water or other nutrition they will dehydrate within a couple of days. And all of those injuries zombies are sure to receive while doing zombie stuff, they are gonna get infected very quickly.

Face of the zombocalypse

 Also since their are gonna be many more people like you trying to survive by killing hundreds of the undead they aren’t going to last very long. If Hollywood made out zombies as they would most likely be in the real world, their movies would be much less interesting and their wouldn’t be 500 other movies about the same thing.