Shall We Help Come Up with Obama Fund Raising Ideas?

Obama friends and fans, our Dear Leader appears to be in desperate need of our help!  The evil crony capitalists have reinstated the powerful and destructive Republicans, and our Messiah, the Anointed One, Barack Hussein Obama, can only be saved by our direct intervention.

Today, he said “If you love me, you’ve got to help me pass this bill” (in reference to yet another brilliant jobs bill that will save or create 300 million new jobs for Amerikkka!)

But he also needs help raising money for his re-election.  Remember, he said he would have $1 BILLION for re-election, but now we know that is not enough.  President Obama is also offering to take supporters out if they donate just a measly $5 for his campaign.  Well, we can do better than that!

So I have come up with other GREAT fundraising ideas for our Beloved Leader:

1) Dunk Obama!  That’s right!!! You make a $5 donation and get three throws at a target.  If you hit the target, Uncle Onyango will be dunked in an icy cold tank of water! (What, you didn’t think Barry would ever deign to be dunked himself did you?  Besides, Uncle Onyango has to do something to repay the president for getting him out of jail!)
2) Michelle Obama Closet Silent Auction!  You betcha!  The What Not To Wear crew is going through Michelle’s closet and removing all those horrendous fashion disasters which will be sold to raise money so the Socialist in Chief can have 4 more years!  Come one down!  The infamous “Black Widow” dress should go for dozens of dollars!
3) Cookie Sale!  Few people realize that Obama’s daughters are fabulous bakers!  They plan to make and sell themed cookies such as: the “Bite the Head off the RINO” oatmeal special; the “Tea Party Terrorist” macaroon, the “You Be Racist!” double chocolate chip, and the perennial favorite, the “I blame Bush for everything” sugar cookie!
4) Boot-Licker Extravaganza!  For $1 you get the chance to lick one of dozens of Obama’s shoes and show your unwavering support for Dear Leader.  For $2, you get to sniff his Mandals (”Man Sandals”)
5) Sell your Baby’s organs!  Yes, we have teamed up with Planned Parenthood in order to provide this exciting opportunity to save AmeriKKKa from those evil Republicans.  Remember that baby you “almost aborted” but didn’t?  Well now you can put it to good use.  It has two kidneys and really only needs one, right?  Sell one and donate the proceeds to our Glorious Messiah, Barack Obama.
6) The Organized Labor SHAKEDOWN!  This is the most fun we’ll have all day.  Gather all your SEIU and Long Shore union friends together for a little evening romp through the city.  Smash windows, steal merchandise, and our teams of dedicated, tech-savvy college students will resell it anonymously on Ebay.  If anyone intervenes, we’ll kidnap and then ransom them!  Everybody wins!

Let’s keep the ideas coming, boyz and girlz.  Obama needs you!  The Democrats Need you!  And really, all you unemployed anarchists, what else do you have going on anyway?