Three: A New Legend on the Myth of Vampires
With Twilight out in the theatre, and Underworld three coming out soon, I decided I wanted to create my own myth on Vampires. Its for a book that I am writing at the moment, and while I am only eight chapters or so into it, I thought I’d try and get some feedback on the concept.
Underworld said that two men got bitten by a bat, and a wolf…AKA Lycans (Werewolves), and Vampires. I however believed that was a bit too cliche, and decided I would write something that seems to show vampires the way that humans once were, if you are looking towards what the bible says (kind of)
There once was a man, that had a wife, no children, and couldn’t get a job. One day his doctor told him that his wife was destine to die, unless a miracle happened.
Well the man went out, and talked to everyone he could. Friends, family, no one said they could help him. Right around the time he was about to give up, he met a man named Lucifer. The man said he could get all that he wanted if he mearly sold his soul. So he did.
Next thing he knew, he had a job, his wife was better, and he had a young-ling on the way. because he knew Lucifer would take the boy as a slave, he sent the wife off to a far away land. After 18 yrs of hiding, Lucifer got impatient and killed the father, knowing that the boy would come looking for him.
Well he did, and they fought. banged up and bruises the boy gave it all he got, and lost. Rather than killing him however, Lucifer promised him immortality, though it was at a price. Lucifer said that he couldn’t have a wife and, or bare offs with anyone.
So he went 150 years without offspring. Biting others to join his clan, but then he met a beautiful girl that he couldn’t take his eyes off of, and so gave up the clan’s immortality.
That is the story I got. Now fast forward to the year 2020, and that is where the book I’m writing takes place. I wont say anymore than about the book itself, but the vampires do need a bit of explanation.
1st off: they many not be immortal, but they can live as long as 4 or 5 centuries, the ones that have mastered the difference between their blood, and humans that is. Since they are half human.
2nd: You can kill a vampire as long as you don’t let it regenerate. This can happen if you leave it alone without finishing it off all the way.
The sun doesn’t melt them into ashes, it mearly takes away their strength. The average Vampire about as strong as a body builder. They do have mentally ill ones, but those are more for back up. Basically dont fight a vampire in the shadows it’s where they are their strongest, and can regenerate easily.
Garlic does not kill them. They avoid the smell because of their sensitive noses, along with Onions, and other stuff of that nature, though it does cause irritation to body when applied. Crosses also have no affect, but if the wrong Vampire sees you wearing one, it means almost instant death, as half of them believe they are the “son’s of Satan.”
Blood isn’t necessary for them to live, however their bodies don’t react that well, and can mean cutting off a centuries worth of a lifetime. One of the vampires, has however developed a drug that suppresses the need of plasma, and can live with the same effects as those with blood, just they have no superpowers.
They have developed an immunity drug that is said to work, but only on humans at the moment. It doesn’t mix well with the “V gene” and kills them in in a few days or so. They are looking for a doctor that can re-engineer it to work for the Vampires, and think they have just found the one.
Vampires have the ability to communicate over telekinesis. this works well, as they can stand in a room, and communicate someone else without saying a word. Shape-shifting is also an ability they posses, and can even stay shift in the light, as long as they don’t try and change back.
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User Comments
Jasin
On December 21, 2008 at 11:49 am
It seems like a good read, I like the idea of how there is the mix gene and they can walk in the daylight, that would make things interesting, you need to add more as to why the son has his right to love away.
Good work.
Morgana
On December 23, 2008 at 9:43 am
I’m a fan of vampire stories. This is a very interesting one. Hope you have great success when you publish it.
R J Grant
On December 28, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I don’t think there are any limitations on Vampire lore as long as it plays well in the sense of the story. Horror, Science fiction or fantasy, makes no difference as long as it’s a good human story within the setting.
Grant
Ispellbad
On December 28, 2008 at 11:42 pm
This is an interesting different take on the vampire Idea. I believe your Idea’s will play good as to being different from the old thoughts of the Undead! However the story that you are writing needs a hook ! something that takes the back ground of your Vampires deeper in to why the devil part. I have a idea that you might want to look up ! In an old volume of Supernatural lore I came across a story similar to this where it explained the vampire as a Fallen Angel that was not placed in hell but to roam the earth as a disciple of evil a soul reaver / Hunter or demon on earth not living not dead but undead . His appearance was that as a winged bat or creature that made love to its victims those that did not die became enslaved by this master demon who gave the souls he collected to the devil. Your story must be of past and present to connect the reader to the idea’s you have I would start out with an introduction as to the history you wish your vampire to convey! Other wise Great Idea’s and your book should be a great read!
Ispellbad
Mike
On January 2, 2009 at 12:29 pm
First, how dare you say that underworlds story was cliché? Underworld wasn’t cliché, it was actually a pretty imaginative take of the whole idea of vampire/werewolfs. Cliché would be if they had a guy in a teen wolf costume jump up on screen and yell “I am DRA-CU-LA”!!
Second, I hate to break it to you, but the first two paragraphs of your story sound shockingly similar to the story of Repunzal. I mean seriously, just swap the words “Lucifer” with “Old witch” and the words “Soul” with “First born child” and it’s practically Grimm’s fairytales.
Third, but still in relation to problem #2, why even say “A man named Lucifer?” Why not just say ‘the devil?’ I mean, if your going to make it that obvious who the bad guy is, why not just put it right out there. In my humble opinion, I think you could do with a little more suspense and mystery by not actually saying that the guy was the devil.
Fourth, Can I bite others to join my clan? I mean, I don’t have any children of my own, and the guy in your story seemed to have a great easy time making other people follow him by biting them. (IMHO I would think that biting people would make them stay away from you.)
You gave no explanation of how this biting thing was able to get people to join his “clan”. Surly you could have included some sinister plot where by the devil gives the kid super powers so that he can recruit followers, and as repayment the souls of his followers will go to hell.
Fifth, How can a vampire be half human? Pleas explain it to me?!
Sixth, those last 5 explanation paragraphs sounded oddly similar to the story line for “I am Legend”. Especially with the whole story takes place in the near future, sunlight takes away their strength, immunity drug that kills most of them, and use mentally unstable guys as backup thing.
Also, do I perhaps detect a hint of “Blade”/“True Blood” in your story idea? I mean with the stuff about fake plasma and the “V-gene”? (oh, and the immunity drug seems to fit into the blade story as well.)
Seventh, That last paragraph about telekinesis is totally right out of “True Blood”. Don’t say it isn’t.
Finally, bearing in mind that after reading your entire “idea” I still see no connection to the bible, I would like to mention that your story is horribly cliché. I mean, did you see all those references I was able to find for where you got your story idea?
Izzy Daniels
On January 2, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Hmm…that does ad a lot of food for thought. No…I wasn’t saying that Underworld was cliche…I absultly love the series and can’t wait for the 3rd one. I was merly saying that burnig with the sunlight is cliche.
Its funny that you linked it to blade, and true blood, because quite honestly…I have never seen either (and no…I’m kidding.) I Am Legend I can see because I started to write it a certain way then backed off as it didnt start to sound offal simlilar.
Lucifer is to make him have a more human looking side. Yes he the devil, but he can be deceptive as well. there isnt any supense…the story only gets told cause the main character doesnt know what is going on, and wants to know where all the vampires are coming from.
Yes, fake plasma is cliche, and I’m working to get around it. The “V gene” is almost like a mutant gene found in the blood stream (not to take anything from X-men) that is how the are half human. the bible part…well that is because one of the vampires tries to rectafy himself and the rest of the clan. He basicly takes a pill that kills off the gene, and starts living a life of religon.
One last question. How many vampire stories have you heard about vampires that aren’t imortal? I personally havn’t heard of one yet, though I could be wrong.
Tahnk you for the feedback though, as you are right alot of vampire stuff have been done before, which makes it hard not to develpe something cliche.
Nunook
On April 4, 2009 at 11:21 pm
Hey, not being immortal is NOT a concept that I’ve currently seen, and I was actually thinking about that one myself, where they live for what SEEMS like an eternity, but they do eventually die on their own. So that’s a good start. I don’t know about the genetics idea unless I can know more about how this curse actually changed the genes of a normal human or how the transformation to a vampire activates this gene. Or maybe you’re saying only humans with this latent gene can be changed? Therefore, I guess they are selected by satan because he has also cursed them for some reason? And this main character is actually carrying out satan’s punishment by activating the gene? I don’t know. Just trying to figure that part out.
Athena*
On July 11, 2009 at 11:55 am
it sounds really interesting and a love books about vampires, so hope you do well with publishing it.
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