Zeus: An Autobiography

I am Zeus, son of Chronos, who resides on Mount Olympus in the highest heavens. I am known also as Jupiter, or “The Cloud Gatherer.” I was born the youngest son of Chronos and Rhea, and the brother of Demeter, Hades, Hera, Hestia, and Poseidon.

From the day of my birth, I have proved to be the true leader of the gods. My Father Chronos was told by a prophet that “as he had killed his father for the throne, his own son would also dethrone him.” He then swallowed every child that Rhea gave birth to, but they weren’t digested. My mother, obviously, didn’t like this, and she decided to trick Chronos. As soon as I was born, she gave my father a stone, instead of showing him me. Thinking it was a child, he ate it. This is similar to what she did with my second oldest brother Poseidon, except then she gave my father a horse. I guess this either says something about my father’s eyesight or his brains, but anyway, I was saved. My mother secretly raised me behind my fathers back.

When I was old enough, she sent Chronos to go hunting. She told me to wait for him in the forest, and then attack him when he approached. As soon as I saw him, I ran at him, and kicked him in the stomach as hard as I could. He threw up all my brothers and sisters, and they chose me to be king of the gods. The three boys in the family, Poseidon, Hades, and I, drew lots to see who would rule what part of the universe. I won, and chose first. I chose to rule the sky and the heavens. Poseidon chose the waters, and my youngest brother, Hades, got stuck with the underworld. Because Olympus is in the sky, that put me in charge of everything up there, making me “head god”. I also lead the gods in the eleven year war between the gods and the titans. I released the monsters that the titans had locked up, the Cyclopians, the hundred-handed monsters, and the giants.

The hundred-handed monsters helped by hurling huge rocks at the titans. Hundred-handed monsters hurling hundreds of heavy rocks can really do some damage. The giants made my famous weapons, thunderbolts, for me. After we eventually won the war, I handed out several different punishments to the titans. I had some of them locked up in Tartarus, and guarded by my friends, the hundred-handed monsters. I made Atlas hold up the earth, because Uranus, the sky, had almost fallen on it during the war. I also was very generous to some of the titans, like Oceanus and the female titans because they had remained neutral. The only one that got away was my wretched father Chronos, who ran away during the end of the fighting.