Achieving a Dream

As little boys and girls some of us dream of becoming mommies and daddies. We are taught in the traditional, heterosexual world that when grow up in order to do that, you need one girl and one boy. We dream of big weddings, big houses, and big families. For some of us though, that dream feels crushed when we come to the realization that we are gay.

We aren’t taught that gay people can have weddings, houses, and families. It can be a big shock to our system coming out as it is. First we may have family that doesn’t accept us. Then we may have friends that leave us. We may have jobs that won’t hire us or landlords that won’t rent to us. And then to top it off, our dreams of having children go by the wayside.

But they don’t have to.

There are many ways, as gay people, that we can have everything we dream of. We’ll find landlords that will rent to us, Realtors that will include you and your partner on the lease, and lawyers that will draw up papers giving power of attorney to your partner. We can seek out companies that are gay friendly and offer same sex benefits. Even in the red states. It’s not as simple as it is for heterosexual people, but it’s possible and more importantly, it’s worth it.

We don’t, and many of us won’t, have to give up on the dream of becoming a parent. We have several options:

Adoption: Currently there are nine states, California, Connecticut, Illinois, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania and Vermont and the District of Columbia that have either appellate court decisions or statutes that explicitly allow same-sex couples to complete a second-parent adoption, a procedure by which a same-sex partner can become a child’s legal parent without altering the other partner’s parental status.1 In other states, though both parents may not be able to be listed on the documents, there are ways around that. One parent can adopt the child and then they can have a lawyer draw up a Parenting Partnership Agreement, giving both parents equal say in the child’s well being in the case that they separate. There are a few states that prohibit same sex people from adopting such as Florida, Mississippi, and Utah. If adoption isn’’t the right choice or possibility to begin your family, you do have more options.