Gender Confusion

It was a typical Sunday afternoon and I was scouting around on the net for information about lesbians when I came across this definition: ‘the sexual and romantic desire between females’. Certainly it is the attraction of females towards other females, but it got me thinking about the type of females lesbians really are. If I was to ask your average straight talker to describe to me a lesbian, they would probably say something like ‘large, short spiky hair, deep voice’ etc etc. Now of course this is nothing but a typical stereotype, but these generalisations must have come from somewhere, and they do tend to come in quite handy when trying to prove a point, as I will go on to make. We are all guilty of assuming someone is a lesbian if they fit these particular criteria, but what is the real meaning behind this look? And why is it that lesbians are attracted to girls that are all in all actually quite masculine? Aren’t we called lesbians for a reason? Looking at the lesbian couples that I have experienced, I couldn’t point out many that are all that girly, which of course holds no problem for me, but it causes me to wonder why this is so. Surely if we are lesbians it is assumed that we like girls, the ‘lipstick lesbians’ so to speak. Referring back to the good ol’ net, they have an answer for those too: ‘lesbian and bisexual women who exhibit feminine gender attributes, such as wearing make-up, wearing dresses or skirts and perhaps having other characteristics associated with feminine women.’ Is it me or does this strike you as somewhat odd? Does this mean lesbians are supposed to be masculine? That these ‘lipstick lesbians’ are actually a rare variety of women who exist only in small parts of the world? I hold my hands up willingly to admit I must be a part of this small group of girls, and I continue to hold my hands up to say that I rather favour the girly girls; why else would I be struggling to decide upon Megan Fox or Olivia Wilde for my phone background? This same theory isn’t just relevant to women either; it can be applied to gay men too. Stereotypically gay men are more feminine than straight men; walking around wearing designer labels, taking immense pride in their appearance, and speaking with that added camp flare to their voice. And this is what other gay men seemingly find attractive. My question is why? Why do gay men and lesbian women often favour the persona of the gender they tell everyone they don’t favour? Why do they come out of the closet only to appear very much deep inside of it when reflecting on the people they take interest in? It seems apparent to me that although there are certainly couples who defy this theory of mine (here I was planning to write the names of a couple who do exactly this but I struggled greatly) it seems that we have based ourselves around these stereotypes that, whether or not we choose to like it, do exist. People don’t like to be labelled as a stereotype, but I’m afraid that often it is the case; we have been brought up around these somewhat accurate assumptions regarding the gay and lesbian community, so I wonder whether it is society that has moulded our interests to be this way? Could I go as far as to say that we are perhaps just straight people who got caught up and confused in an alternative lifestyle? I don’t like admitting these things, but sometimes you have to look at the facts. One question I have been asked a few times before that I have come to greatly dislike is this: “So which one of you two is the man?” From where I’m standing I didn’t realise there had to be one, hence the word lesbian, which I can only safely assume means two girls. Is society so narrow minded that people have come to believe that even in same sex relationships there must be one of you who is steering towards the opposite end of the spectrum? Speaking of lesbian women and gay men, I feel that I am leaving out something important which floats around the middle; the bisexuals. Of course there is a lot of stigma attached to this word; generally they can be seen to be confused, or even greedy. Speaking of bisexual women and my personal experience and past encounters, I often find that they end up with a man. And who’s to say they can’t enjoy a bit of both now and then? Who’s to say they are sitting on the fence, aren’t they simply hopping between both sides? I understand that we’re not all Tila Tequila’s of this world who will probably end up with a man. Yes, we girlie girls are all after a ‘Shot at Love’, but not all of us will look both ways for it. So, maybe the majority of us gays do have some underlying natural attraction towards men, whether we show it through our rather masculine looking partners, or by popping next door for a bit of the opposing gender from time to time. Either way, for now I’m happy to let you girls be whoever you want to be with, I’ll just stick to staring at Megan Fox on my phone. Sorry Olivia, if it’s any consolation you were a very close second.