Mum, I’m Gay

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When i was 16 i was faced with the possibility that i may be gay. All my friends had girlfriends, everyone around me had someone to hug and kiss yet i felt that i was OK to be alone. The feeling of being alone however can not be a good thing for long, as the hormones in your body develop, i started to feel that i was missing something or someone.

The first time i had any feelings towards a guy, i was 16 and it was my birthday. We had been friends for about two years and no feeling other than a close friend was felt towards him before this point. I remember he passed me a drink and at that moment with the pool in background, the dark night, the sound of the crickets singing; i stared into his eyes and i felt this warm fuzzy feeling.

After that night, i found it difficult to be in the same room as him, yet when he wasn’t there i wished he was. It was like catch 22 for me and i started to get worse as the weeks went on. My appetite began to fade away, i would sit in my room and think about what he was doing. I would play songs that would remind me of him.

Our family would be moving in about two weeks time. I went to school and told all of my friends about the news of our move. My main intention was to let Chris know how i felt about him and i hoped that knowing that i was leaving, he would be honest with me and open up his heart.

Five years later i joined the Armed Forces. I was worried as still to this point not a soul knew that i had these emotions and feelings towards guys. Would the forces allow me to join up? would the men/woman serving except me if they ever found out? My luck with guys was not good to this point. I would catch the eye of some guy, hoping he would be gay so i could talk to him and relate to him, however no such luck did i find one. Back when i was at school i found it hard to tell Chris how i felt so he never found out.

My time in the forces have made me the person i am today. The fact i am gay has not given me any problems at all. I told my mother i was gay because i had been seeing this one guy for almost a year, everything was going really well, and we had decided to get a house together. All my mates from work told me to tell her the truth. I flew home that weekend, took my mother for a nice meal for her birthday then off the bar for a few cheeky ones. After a few rounds of drinks i opened up and told her everything, about Chris from school, about Paul (my new partner) and also that i smoked.

My life as it stands now being 22yrs old is going really well. Everyone at my unit knows of my sexuality, they are all aware of who my parter is and we get no trouble. Alot of young kids or even teenagers find it difficult to cope. I would urge them to speak to someone, a close friend, a parent or even a teacher. Once you speak about it, it really helps you move along in life and not have a constant worry what people may think.

A good website for some support

Remember, your just the same as everyone else!