What if Your Child is Gay?

Homosexuality is a topic of contention in most countries of the world. While some countries have decriminalized it in their constitutions, gay people still live in hostile environments within their local communities. I was shocked to learn that 95% of the people of the Republic of South Africa are against same-sex unions even if their constitution gives homosexuals the freedom to marry. Similar research carried out in Uganda shows that 95% of Ugandans are opposed to homosexuality.

Some of the people contributing to the number of those who oppose same-sex relationships have never had children and usually act out of ignorance. But what if your child is gay? It is a nightmare for most parents if not all. The only difference is that some parents find it easier to cope with than others do. My own experiences with gay people show that parents usually find it hard to accept that their children are gay. In fact, while friends and colleagues may find it acceptable over time, most parents will tell you that they hate to accept that their children are of a different sexual orientation. This, with time makes them enemies of their own children, usually failing to understand them. In Africa it is common to find youths whose families have ostracized them for being gay. As early as the age of 16, they find themselves caught up with life’s challenges such as employment, housing and health care. With no one left to their rescue, they wander about hopeless and homeless.

Mariam (not real name), a mother of a lesbian daughter says she has now settled for the bitter fact that her daughter will never be heterosexual. “I used to punish her hoping to make her a ‘real’ woman but the more I did that, the more I hurt her so I gave up.” 

Most gay movements tend to focus on the victims while totally ignoring the parents and families of those victims. It is possible that some parents of gay children face much more psychological torture than their gay children. So while most gay movements focus on creating better political and economic environments for their victims, people should be talking to parents as well since they are the people supposed to be close to those children. Parents of gay people need support just as much as their children need it. In, fact, if parents learnt to love their children the way they are, chances are that suicide rates would decline in most gay communities. The reason why our children poison themselves with drugs is because they feel rejected, even by people they least expect to.