Why “Gay” Isn’t a Choice (Abridged Version for Heterosexuals)

“Homosexuality is a choice. What is your choice? Will you choose your sin of homosexuality and this life- style or will you repent of your sin and choose Jesus to be your LORD and…”

And etcetera. Now, the above is total crap. I hope that, as wonderful readers, you all know this as well as I know my fellow dear, kindhearted queers have opposed this with their good-intentioned reasons.

“If you lived one day in the life of a gay person…Why would I choose to be disowned by my family…etc.”

These are completely honest, valid reasons, but guys-straight people can neither understand nor relate to them. And as your friendly neightborhood borderline-transgender-straight-people-liason-dyke, I’m here to give the one, solid reason that will help the straighties understand.

Women are insane.

Never fear, my puzzled heteros, I will explain.

First, let’s begin with the dyke-o’s. We bear striking resemblences to straight men in the way we approach our women: we tell them they’re pretty even when they don’t look their best, we buy them things, we avoid conflict, we deal with their jealousy issues, and we eventually realize the one ultimate truth: “Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.”

My last girlfriend was intent on making me confess to having slept with EVERY female (if only the gods had blessed me with such skill) calculus class. This is not an exagerration. But I digress. The point is, women are fxing insane.

But what about my queens, you ask? Ah. A close gay friend of mine (because dykes also need their token gay man) I believe summed it up best when I was venting to him about how women are irrational creatures:

“Boo-hoo. You have to date women. I have to deal with women stuck in men’s bodies for the rest of my life. Someone give me a medal.”

Women.
Females.
Girls.

With the exception of emotional masochists, I can see no logical reason why anyone would choose to be attracted to the things. But really, when you put it into perspective, lesbians, gay guys, and straight dudes: we’re all on the same team. And yes, this is going to piss off the girls, but if you can relate to any of the aforementioned you should know it would take a lot less than this article to provoke the same reaction.

I love girls.

And yes, I’m aware of the giant inconsistancy in this: being sexist against my own sex that I like to have sex with. It’s a hairflip.