Congressional Illiteracy

Congress has signed bills into effect over the past six months, and they are poised to continue this trend, without reading them.  At first, political cynics posited that this was the result of pork-barrel amendments, an iron-fisted Democratic leadership that will allow no dissent, and a heady intoxication with power that rivals the head on a Yuengling Lager fresh from the tap.

At first I was disposed to see these explanations in that dark and cynical light of the opposition.  I thought back to the two page 700 Billion dollar authorization of George Bush to Banking cronies with a nostalgic longing.  At least the Republicans had the decency to admit that the line between government and business officially had been blurred, without the senseless slaughter of thousands of trees and the unmerciful attempt to inflict carpal tunnel syndrome on the poor stenographers who must transcribe the Democratic reams.  A two page surrender: Capitalism was dead. 

But a recent team of researchers has discovered a far more troubling reality.  Behind the reams of documentation penned by peons, with Ivy-League degrees, who work for the congresspeople, behind the two page epic that made the American taxpayer bailout the banks, creditors who had raped regular citizens for years with predatory lending practices, lived a sad fact: the elected officials could not read or write. 

This is the only viable explanation for congressmen’s (and women’s) refusal to read bills that they whole-heartedly support and for the brief document that gave America Corporate Socialism.   Therefore, I suggest that we, who expect our lawmakers to actually pen and comprehend what they sign into law, stop being so critical and start being constructive.  In this spirit of positive, hopeful support of the government, I suggest the following steps be taken:

1. Let us all admit to the problem.  There is no shame in illiteracy, surely, most of our lawmakers either attended sub-standard public schools or bought degrees from private schools that mom or dad attended.  It is not your fault Nancy, Harry, George.  Just admit to your problem and we can start to deal with it.

2. Let us tell our beloved leaders that it is okay that they cannot read or write; there are plenty of recent college grads in search of work who may be able to read and summarize big documents for you.  Some may even be able to extend your two page, 700 Billion dollar compositions into a respectable ten page mini-essay. 

3. Know that most of the other Americans who can read, do so at the eighth grade level.  You need not set your sights on Moby-Dick or  even the Reader’s Digest Condensed series: you just need to be able to read the New York Times.  Anyone can do that. 

4. The main thing: release the shame like a too-small fish.  In this day and age, no one is ashamed of anything, so you should feel easy and free with your deficiency.  Remember it is not your fault.  There is always someone else you can blame. 

Congressional illiteracy is a problem that affects all of us.  We all have a stake in overcoming this great social disease.  A great way to let your representative know that you support him or her in his or her fight against this malignancy, is to send him or her a note of support.  I suggest that you use few words,  but perhaps the simple symbol of a smiley face to let your special government friend know how much you support him or her in his or her struggle with words.