Solving the Illegal Alien Problem
A tongue-in-cheek look at how to control and secure the U.S. borders.
I don’t understand the big deal everyone is making about illegal aliens/immigrants in the U.S. There appears to be a very simple way to solve the problem and in order to do that we have to ignore the government idiots, media fools, and anyone else that is trying to make things more complicated.
Legal Entry
First, let’s look at how people can enter our country. It’s a simple matter of either legal or illegal entry. Legally anyone can come in through a port of entry or across the border through regular checkpoints as long as they have the proper paperwork.
That leaves the illegal entries. One might come through a checkpoint or port of entry using fake papers. One might smuggle himself in almost any way: a small airplane, a boat or ship, or in a car/van/truck across the international borders. Let’s face it, with the length of our existing borders people can just stroll across in many places.
See how easy the problem is to solve? Not yet? Okay, then let me spell it out for you. We have now brought it down to two steps: Make sure people coming through checkpoints or ports of entry are doing so legally and control the illegal entries.
Strangely enough the more difficult of the two problems is controlling entry through the ports of entry as it will require technology that may or may not exist today. We have all heard stories of how the facial recognition software used by the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and FBI regularly identifies some poor slob as Osama bin Laden or some other wanted criminal. We obviously have to do some work on that.
In order to get entries under control we need only harness technology. Most police departments now use electronic fingerprinting and those prints go somewhere to be stored. Hoping that all these electronic fingerprints go to a national database, we simply have fingerprint scanners installed at every port of entry and every person coming into the country presses his/her right thumb onto a scanner.
Assuming the technology is up to it, each fingerprint is immediately compared with the national database and, if found, a pass or arrest notice is shown on the computer monitor. If not found, the individual is pulled aside and must provide full information regarding name, place and date of birth, and permanent address. Each of these is entered into the database and, the next time the person enters, (s)he is automatically cleared through.
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Post CommentMike
On August 1, 2008 at 6:47 pm
This is so cool. You’re really screwed up in your thinking, but I like the tone of it. It’s just what our government might think. I’ll be back in a day or so with soemthing more.
April
On August 3, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I agree with Mike that your mind is messed up, but this makes as much sense as anything. Have you read that there are actually people pushing for Mexico and Canada to brought into the union? don’t think that’ll happen except maybe for Quebec. They’ve been threatening to leave Canada for quite some time because of the languange problem.
lonnie
On August 4, 2008 at 9:21 pm
awesome
Gary Schafer
On August 5, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I enjoy your humor Max.
Diane
On August 5, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Yeah, humor is fine, but there are way too many idiots that might consider this to be an actual agenda. SCARY!
Kaitlan
On August 7, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Dianes right. There are actually people that might take this seriously. We have to find them and … eliminate them.
Mike
On August 10, 2008 at 9:56 am
Eliminating them is easy – vote them out of office.
Irene
On August 21, 2008 at 7:55 pm
The way things are going I’m going to vote against anyone in office. Whoever is running against them can’t be any worse.
BarnOwl
On August 24, 2008 at 5:14 pm
I like the comment about how the government will pay ten times what we could do. Soooooo true. Why is it that the government pays so much for something when we could go to Radio Shack and buy it for half the price? Stupid politicians.
Frankie
On September 1, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Watch out, Irene, I agree that incumbants should be voted out, but remember that any time you ask “what else can go wrong?” you almost always find out. Pay attention to your ballot and be careful who you elect.
toni
On May 9, 2009 at 6:48 pm
This is so cool, so true, and so notworkable. Although I would like to see someone actually propose it.