We Need The Government to Help Us to Make Every Decision

It has become apparent that the members of congress and the government in general seem to think that the average American is incapable of making even the most basic decisions for himself. As a matter of fact, it was just yesterday when I saw a member of congress being interviewed on television and, during the interview, was told that the majority of the American people were opposed to the legislation that the congressman was in support of. The congressman then said “well, I think we need to educate the people and I think if we do, they will realize that it is in their best interest.”

The sad, unfortunate truth is that most members of congress actually think that way; like we are entirely too stupid to think for ourselves or to run our own lives. Maybe they’re right. Let’s assume that they are because they would certainly not think that way out of arrogance. So running with that assumption, let’s play a little game called: what would my government do?

I was walking through the fruit aisle at the supermarket and was wondering if I should buy a bag of apples, bag of oranges or a bag with an assortment of both. What would my government do? I guess the first step would be to appoint a Fruit Czar. Sure it would cost billions in bureaucracy and red tape, but we have to be sure that the right decision is made.

Now where could we get someone to appoint to such a position as a Fruit Czar? For starters, the person would have to be somewhat of an elitist. Someone who presumes to know what’s best for everyone, even in areas he knows little about. But there has to be more qualifications than just that. I know! He would need ties to some special interest group. You have got to have connections to make it in politics today. How about the United Pear Pluckers Union? You have your special interest group covered and since they only know pears, they are perfect for telling you how to decide between apples and oranges because it’s something they know nothing about.

Of course to appoint someone to a position like that, you need to find a way to justify it to the people. So now you have to convince everyone that apples and oranges need to be regulated. Of course there would be nobody more suited to do that than those representing the often overlooked pear. After all, with apples and oranges receiving so much preferential treatment throughout the years, we need to enact some form of social justice.