A Very Short History of England
by A very short history of the country sometimes referred to as England.
Mary Stewart, Queen of Scotland, was Catholic. The Scots of that day were a miserable bunch of murdering bastards and so was she. Elizabeth, Queen of England and Ireland, had the same problem with murderous A-holes, but her batch were mostly British. Elizabeth was a protestant. She protested against Mary Stewart by severing her head from her bony little ass. That strategy proved effective enough at stopping the Papist plot against her and Elizabeth went on to rein as the “Old-Bitty Queen” for seventeen long years after Mary’s martyrdom.
Mary Stewart’s only son, James, succeeded Elizabeth to the throne of England, Ireland and Scotland despite his almost debilitating sense of abandonment and lingering post-natal nipple fixations. After a few years of therapy, he went on to write the King James Bible and a few minor sonnets. King James is perhaps best known as that ruthless tyrant responsible for having Prince Albert put in the can. It has been rumored that if the Surgeon General has anything to say about it, that is where he will stay.
Nothing much of note has happened in England since that time
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