Famous for All the Wrong Reasons

Alfred the Great (847-899)

Can anyone smell burning?

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Considering that Alfred was the only English or British monarch ever to be accorded the epithet ‘the Great’, it’s a shame that the only thing that anyone really remembers about him is a story (almost certainly apocryphal) about sheltering in a peasant’s hut while hiding from the Vikings.  The housewife charged the disguised Alfred with the task of keeping his eye on the oven while she went out for water.  He was so deep in thought that he didn’t notice plumes of smoke emanating from the stove, and when the housewife came back, the cakes she had been lovingly baking were completely burnt!

Never mind that King Alfred single-handedly defeated the Vikings, founded the navy, established legal procedures that still influence today’s justice system, established schools, created the shires and boroughs, invented the candle clock, translated piles of books from Latin to English and started the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle, it’s definitely that cake story that should go down in history!

Canute (1017-1035)

Why are my feet wet?

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Famously, King Canute (more properly spelt ‘Cnut’) of England, Norway and Denmark, once sat on a chair by the sea and commanded the tide to stop coming in.  Not surprisingly, the sea completely ignored him and was soon lapping around his ankles, ensuring a thousand years of ridicule by school kids.  Although this story is almost certainly true, its proper context is usually misrepresented.  Far from being a power-mad lunatic with immensely inflated ideas of his own abilities, Canute was actually attempting to prove to his doting courtiers that his power was limited.  He knew that he didn’t have the ability to turn back the sea and he wanted to make sure that others knew that too.  Looks like he failed.  But he did manage to steer a bankrupt and war-ravaged country to several decades of much-needed peace, so it wasn’t all bad!

Henry II (1154-1189)

I was only joking, honest!

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Arguably among the greatest of English kings, Henry II ruled over a kingdom that stretched from Scotland to the Pyrenees.  He was a shrewd and energetic manager, curbing the power of the barons, winning back lost lands, establishing the principles of a fair trial by jury and creating the role of ‘Sheriff’.  His rule was something of a mini-renaissance of learning and culture. 

Unfortunately, he also challenged the power of the church and created an on-going power struggle between the monarch and the Pope.  To alleviate matters, he appointed his good friend Thomas Becket as Archbishop of Canterbury.  Becket, who wasn’t even a Priest, was expected to support the King in his arguments with the church, but annoyingly for Henry, he took his new duties very seriously, became incredibly devout and started backing the church against his old friend. 

When Henry was overheard to say, irritably, “Will no one rid me of this turbulent Priest?” four of his Knights were only too happy to oblige, riding across the countryside to Canterbury and murdering Becket in front of the Cathedral’s altar.  Henry tried to claim it was all a misunderstanding but public outcry was so serious that eventually he was forced to crawl on his hands and knees to Becket’s tomb wearing only sackcloth as a penance.

And so another high-achiever makes history for all the wrong reasons!

For more little-known facts about the British monarchy, try this article about three kings called Richard.