I Thought Obama is Homosexual: Something He Felt in His College

NEW YORK—President Barack Obama clarified his ambiguous position on gay marriage by telling the press after an LGBT fundraiser, “Gay rights was something I experimented with in college.”

Before a crowd of gay and lesbian Democrats ready to stuff their money into a rainbow-colored sack with a dollar sign painted on it, the president gave an inspiring speech on the matter of gay rights.

While affirming his belief in gay rights as civil rights, he made sure to distance himself from outwardly supporting marriage equality. “Supporting gay marriage might have been something I experimented with in college, but it was just a phase. We all go through phases like that, like my goth phase before that,” he told the fundraiser attendees.

Obama’s speech inspired attendees to donate thousands to the president’s re-election campaign, though not all were satisfied by Obama’s “politically bicurious” stance on gay rights. One attendee interrupted the speech, shouting, “You don’t believe in my right to exist as a free human being!” He then promptly stuffed three hundred dollars into the rainbow money sack.

The president made his rounds after the speech to thank donators and remind attendees he’s been happily married for “almost 20 red-blooded American years,” and “loves sports.”

When asked about his earlier stances on gay marriage, particularly in the late ‘90s when, as a state senator, he supported marriage equality, President Obama replied he merely wanted to try out all forms of civil rights stances. “After all, that’s what college is for, right?” he told a group of donators as he nervously clutched his wedding ring.

As the night progressed and the hotel lobby became congested with men and women with out-turned pockets, Obama gave a final clarification on his gay marriage stance. “I support the state’s right to decide on this matter, and agree with laws legalizing marriage for…did I mention how much I love football?”