Scottish Myths Exposed
by A look at some of the common myths about Scotland and the truth behind them. If you thought you knew about Haggis, Tartan, Bagpipes, Whisky and the Loch Ness Monster then think again as we take a look at what they really are about.
(How a bagpipe player traditionally looks) (Image Source:)
Whisky
Have you ever noticed that in all other countries it is called whiskey but if it is from Scotland it is whisky? Ever wondered why? Truth is, it is a large scale cover up by the powers that be in Scotland. Whiskey is alcoholic and whisky is not.
It was farmhands in the North of Scotland who first started to sell the local water in bottles. The water itself was brown because of the peaty landscape that abounded. The peat added a distinctive taste which, due to the minerals and stuff, made anyone who drank it start to feel funny and act strange but still it was selling well. The farmhands who first started selling it soon branched out and set up new outlets all over the country, each of which was selling their local peat induced water. Different areas contained different amounts of peat and differing types. Before too long each are started to name their own brands. Sales of all the different types were huge but as soon as travellers from England and overseas heard about this amazing drink, it was only going to be a matter of time before they were rumbled.
It was, after all, just local water that they were selling. The authorities came up with an amazing idea, say it was alcoholic, keep quiet about it, sell it for as much as other alcoholic spirits but keeping the cost way down because they didn’t have to go through all the trouble of actually making anything alcoholic. Profits would be huge as long as no one found out. This practice still goes on today, every bottle of whisky bought, although it says it is alcoholic, is actually just water that has some peat in it.
(Whisky, the drink of choice in Scotland) (Image Source:)
Loch Ness Monster
No one outside of Scotland has ever proved that the Loch Ness Monster exists. Problem is that none of them have ever proven that the monster does not exist either. Many sceptics presume that the invention of the Loch Ness Monster (or Nessie as the media call it) was a cunning ploy to generate tourism to the area. Truth is Nessie does exist and in fact has a full family living in the murky water of Loch Ness.
Everyone in Scotland knows this but are not allowed to tell anyone else. They are also banned from taking photos or videos of any of the monsters when they see them. However, in the 1980s a cartoon series was created based on the family of ‘monsters’ from Loch Ness was produced and became an instant hit in Scotland. It was shown in England but didn’t have the same impact as they wrongly presumed it was made up. It wasn’t, it was based on fact. For further reading about the series and the names of all the family members please see the following wikipedia page “The Family Ness”. They may claim that it is fictional but the cartoon is based on fact. It is an in joke among every Scottish person.
(Loch Ness, the home of the Loch Ness Monster and family) (Image Source:)
I hope you have enjoyed reading this and that you have learnt from all that you have read, much more information is readily available on the internet about all these topics if you want to search for it. But before you go and do that, I have one more thing to say before you go and do some more research on all that I have told you. I have a major confession to own up to and I am sorry for breaking this news to you at this point. Really am hopeful that you will not think to badly of me for doing this to you. I must confess to the following few points;
- The haggis IS really made from oatmeal and sheeps blood, no animal actually exists.
- Scotch Eggs are in fact just normal eggs in breadcrumbs.
- No such law exists about the wearing of tartan.
- No such law about the eating of porridge has ever existed.
- There are no radio stations in Scotland dedicated solely to the playing of bagpipes.
- Whisky is alcoholic and the colour has very little to do with the peat.
- There is no Loch Ness Monster, let alone a family of them.
Presumably most of you will already have worked all of that out before I had to confess to it. For those who didn’t work it out and believed all that they were being told is just like the ‘Tumshie’, it appears you came up the Clyde on a banana boat.
If you liked this, check out the website: www.scotlandrocks.net
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Post Commentcardy
On February 8, 2009 at 7:46 am
Wow what a fab jod you have done on this loved it well done you!! I still want to belive in nessie
Betty Carew
On February 8, 2009 at 8:11 am
Excellent article Alistair very interesting and certainly well written
The Quail
On February 8, 2009 at 8:41 am
Excellent article
Glynis Smy
On February 8, 2009 at 8:51 am
That was really interesting and humorous. I enjoyed this, thanks
Paul Roberts
On February 8, 2009 at 9:05 am
Vey good, I like it when one takes the time to explain the origin . We here are having a heated discussion on the origin of Chili. a dish that has become the topic of many heated cooking contests!
rutherfranc
On February 8, 2009 at 9:21 am
very well researched article.. informative and well stated.. really enjoyed this.
ML Sheldon
On February 8, 2009 at 9:48 am
lol, hilarious. Good humour.
nutuba
On February 8, 2009 at 1:30 pm
This is a fun article! Nicely written and I enjoyed the humor. Made my day!
postpunkpixie
On February 8, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Ahaaa! Brilliant article! I used to have a toy haggis, a wild hairy one. My sister had a tame one, it was white and fluffy.
George W Whitehead
On February 8, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Great article, Alistair.
Katien
On February 8, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Very funny. I’m sure the sporran was used for porridge storage though!
Juancav
On February 8, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Entertainig ,amusen,and funny post.
lindalulu
On February 8, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Hagis…yuk! Great write though.
MacLiar
On February 8, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Re the Haggis: during the breeding season, they become very aggressive and can take a nasty bite out of your ankle. Be careful not to enter breeding areas, which are recognisable as they fly a white flag with a picture of a haggis on it.
Launie and Melynda Sorrels
On February 8, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Here you go: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2003/nov/27/travelnews.travel
The enduring myth of the haggis still contributes to the Scottish travel trade, according to a poll yesterday that suggested a third of US visitors believe the delicacy to be an animal.
As government statisticians reported the number of North Americans visiting Scotland fell from 606,000 in 1998 to 504,000 last year, the haggis manufacturers Hall’s of Broxburn revealed evidence of the misconceptions from an online survey.
The poll of 1,000 US visitors to Scotland found 33% thought haggis was an animal; 23% said they came to Scotland believing they could catch one.
The company said it had interviewed one tourist who thought the haggis was “a wild beast of the Highlands, no bigger than a grouse, which only came out at night”. Another claimed it sometimes ventured into the cities, like a fox.
Haggis is traditionally made out of a sheep’s stomach filled with liver, heart lung, oatmeal, suet, stock, onions and spices.
BlueIce
On February 8, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Brilliant Alistair lol
I had my suspicions about Haggis and how it became the scots main source of nutrition whilst at the same time providing an element of dangerous sport to capture and devour said haggis.
Could you write an article on the evolution of mince and spuds (englush delicacy)
Anna Ski
On February 8, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Great article, bagpipes are even used in Macedonia very often in accordance with there tradition and music.
Inna Tysoe
On February 8, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Great article.
Inna
Majic
On February 8, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Hehehe! I thought you were very enthusiastic about this the whole time too.
It was a great read!
AC Hamilton III
On February 8, 2009 at 11:13 pm
Great job! Very amusing approach to an already interesting topic. Well researched and written. Excellent!
AC
Alixander Haban Escote
On February 9, 2009 at 3:06 am
Such a very interesting article! Cheers!
hfj
On February 9, 2009 at 7:31 am
I think you set the record straight on some of these myths. Good research and information. Well done.
alinoz
On February 9, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Now that’s what I call a braw tongue in the wee cheek look at traditions. Good on ya for making this read a good giggle. As an Australian o0f Irish extraction (dammit – two strikes already – I’m sad that when I visit the misty islands of the highlands, I will not get to see the wee Haggis on its native heath.
As for porridge – love it and as wee laddie, t’was a breakfast delight summer and winter with spoonfuls of brown sugar. Mmmmm.
Five stars frae me, laddie.
Alina Beck
On February 9, 2009 at 6:22 pm
Totally rofl
Well done on a Fascinating, witty and charming article!
Jake Mitchell
On February 9, 2009 at 6:56 pm
funny stuff thanks for sharing!
Timmy Tucker
On February 9, 2009 at 9:08 pm
Awesome stuff !!! Very informative and showed you really did your homework. LOL
Keep writing. Looking forward reading more of your work.
Johanan Rakkav
On February 10, 2009 at 12:41 am
Thanks to your article, I now know why I’m so totally daft (or in American terms, screwball). My Hebrew pen-name notwithstanding, I’m half-Scottish. (The other daft half, of course, is either English or Welsh.) From one screwball to another, then: excellent job.
Of course, you could always leave off most of your explanation at the end and say “and if you believe a word of this without checking up on it, then you must’ve come up the Clyde on a banana boat.”
Shari86
On February 10, 2009 at 5:00 am
Very witty article, a pleasure to read.
maranatha
On February 10, 2009 at 1:39 pm
That was fun! And you had me going for a minute – I actually had to look up the haggis to see if you were puooing my leg. Shame on me!
I still have my tartan from my dancing days, it as a Stewart plaid. Found the family tie, but not the crest….
Thanks for a great read.
digitalmaya
On February 10, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Authorities punish you if you don’t wear a tartan? That’s dictatorship!
macon
On February 10, 2009 at 7:51 pm
hmm. very informative.. i wonder if that bagpipe is heavy..
georgiegirll
On February 11, 2009 at 12:40 am
I loved it. What a fun read. I will never again be able to look at people walking clock wise and counter clock wise without thinking or a haggis mating ritual! LOL
Willy K
On February 11, 2009 at 12:59 am
Good stuff!
ur guide
On February 11, 2009 at 6:48 am
nice
Sharona
On February 11, 2009 at 8:31 am
Great article! Interesting Information about Scotland. I love the bagpipes, Amazing Grace, is my favorite song. My grandson’s, grandfather plays them and is from Scotland.
John McDonnell
On February 11, 2009 at 10:54 am
A delight to read! Well done!
Sam Down
On February 11, 2009 at 10:55 am
Very funny and well written article.. ;o)
Gary Wallace
On February 11, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Great article Alistair. A very enjoyable read.
Erin Cree
On February 11, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Well done from one haggis basher to another!
Hein Marais
On February 11, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Very entertaining article.
Telscafe
On February 11, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Very interesting and informative. Thanks.
s hayes
On February 12, 2009 at 6:53 am
Wonderful, delightful, humerous article
Angie0000023
On February 12, 2009 at 9:46 am
Thats actually very interesint. Nice article. I go to a school, and our mascot is the scots. So, we have bag pipers and the dress up in kilts and everything. Its pretty intense. and we have a school hymn that has the same beatas lock lomond, a scottish song. Our “color”s are plaid. Its pretty cool. So i really enjoyed your article. Nice one.
Alistair Briggs
On February 12, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Angie just to inform you, it is a big big mistake to call a loch a lock. Lock is what the English call it, in Scotland it is a LOCH. lol
skylite
On February 12, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Very informative and intersting to read
m
On February 13, 2009 at 2:05 am
Great work! Thats really interesting and well-written piece. I loved it! Well done and thanks for sharing
Mr Ghaz
On February 13, 2009 at 2:15 am
Excellent! Great work! I loved it! Thanks for sharing
perowlifick
On February 13, 2009 at 9:16 am
Very clever. Really enjoyable article.
Amreen
On February 13, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Hi, really nice article!
mimis
On February 14, 2009 at 12:05 am
Hi Alistair,
what about a game of Scottish memory matters ?
Rebecca Roy
On February 14, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Thank you! I needed the laugh!
trishia
On February 15, 2009 at 3:27 am
Very interesting article.Well,you live and you learn something everyday.
Angela de Bryan
On February 15, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Hysterically funny! Very clever article. I’ve had haggis – it should be outlawed under a toxic law of some sort.
miss cornelia
On February 19, 2009 at 10:01 pm
I was slightly amused and slightly confused. I guess I don’t know enough about Scotland but there are some ridiculous laws here in America that still haven’t been repealed so I didn’t know for sure you were kidding about the laws.
Bullwinkle Muse
On March 24, 2009 at 10:02 am
this is funny and clever
Tusaani
On April 10, 2009 at 3:25 pm
lol, great writeup. Unfortunately, loads of other countries also have dumb laws.
Agis
On June 2, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Agis wants to eat haggis.
Phill Senters
On July 6, 2009 at 4:41 pm
“The Tumshie is renowned for being a rather dimwitted animal”
What a great description of an American politician! You guys been exporting them to us?
revivor
On July 7, 2009 at 1:23 am
you wrote this before my time
thank the lord for stumble!!
California Dreamer
On July 9, 2009 at 12:59 am
A nice and informative article. I did not even know about Haggis until read about it in your article. Thanks for sharing this interesting and informative article.
thestickman
On August 6, 2009 at 10:42 pm
-Haggis the animal? Sounds like a Jackalope to me. See : http://tinyurl.com/ledr6s
-thestickman
Melody SJAL
On August 7, 2009 at 1:23 am
Very enjoyable.
FinlayL
On September 28, 2009 at 10:47 am
Funny article but in Scotland porridge is eaten with salt and not sugar, that’s the english way
Bo Russo
On June 21, 2010 at 10:36 am
Hilarious Al, I loved it.
mostpopulararticle
On December 24, 2010 at 11:29 am
This article has been indexed inThe Triond Experiment Thanks and goodluck!