2009 New Years Resolutions for Hollywood

#6) Silly Baby Names will Lead to Disaster on the Playground: Kids can be cruel. The playground can be hell for someone different. If you have a name that rhymes with anything “naughty”- you’re doomed. You might think those names are cute and fun when they are roaming around in diapers. But being a kid can be hard enough without a mad moniker ripe for taunting. Give the future generations a break and don’t cripple them with a name that will hinder instead of help.

#5) Meaningful Marriages are Better than Devastating Divorces: It’s been said reaching a 10 year wedding anniversary in Hollywood is like a “Golden Anniversary” elsewhere. Why is that? Stars know what “Death do us part” means don’t they? 55 hours of marital bliss shouldn’t happen in Vegas or anywhere else for that matter.  Maybe they should start the marriage counseling from day one. Perhaps that would help to change the odds.

#4) A Star Endorsement doesn’t Guarantee a Satisfactory Product: How many items in your kitchen have a celebrity name on it? What about your closet or living room? Celebrities are everywhere- even our shopping malls. Is it worth the cash to endorse all this stuff? Are “Nicholson noodles”, “Efron eggs”, and “Jolie-Pitt pots and pans” on the horizon too? Stop the madness! Just make movies that are worth the $10 ticket and keep it at that.

#3) Don’t Leave the House Without Undies: This should be a no brainer for people. But stars apparently have difficulty with this one. I saw way too many shots of stars going everywhere without underwear. It’s not like that particular scrap of cloth is going to break their bank. They could buy 6 cases of tighty whities for the price of one pair of their favorite Minolos. There are food banks for the hungry and shelters for the homeless. Maybe we should start a “Panties for Paris” campaign to keep their stuff secret in their Victoria’s Secret.

#2) Don’t Email While Naked and No Video Cameras Allowed in Private: How many stars have had their nudie pictures “accidentally” released to the public? Or what about those naughty ex’s selling to the highest bidder their nasty nights on video. Here’s a thought—don’t take those kind of photos in the first place! If you have one iota of wanting to be famous in the future, don’t be stupid in your past. If it’s in cyberspace, eventually it could wind up as “egg on your face”.  

#1) Let Your Work Speak for Itself: Yes, you have to do press to sell your movie. Yes, you have to chat it up with entertainment magazines and television shows. But just keep it simple stupid. Don’t wind up on subjects we don’t want to hear about. Who cares what church you go to. It’s not polite to jump on people’s furniture. And good riddance to riled up rants on politics or money.  You are an ACTOR so start acting like it.