Alone at Christmas? Exploring the Holiday Taboo
by How are you spending Christmas this year? alone? Surely not? Why? How come? It’s a social taboo and many people find it hard to understand but many people will choose to be alone this Christmas.
With the holiday season upon us, the world seems to be going crazy with tips on how to cook the perfect family dinner or avoid tensions in the house. Everywhere you look in the city, people are dashing about with bags of shopping and loading gifts into the boot of the car. Office parties are plentiful and Christmas spirit is rife.
But what about the people who are alone at Christmas? They span every age group from teens to seniors but it is a group that never seems to get a look in at this time of year. A bit like the singleton on Valentine’s Day – being alone at Christmas either conjures up pity or disbelief – depending on the root cause! But some people choose to be alone.
A few years ago, finding myself newly divorced and with a lovely but slightly dysfunctional family – I found myself with the prospect of spending Christmas alone. I had a few generous offers, from friends and family alike, to spend Christmas with them. But the truth was I wanted to be in my own home!
I know this may seem strange, but I was coming to terms with being single again and there was some sadness attached to this, so therefore I wanted to be somewhere familiar.
I didn’t want the pressure of living by someone else’s rules, customs and traditions as I was not in the right frame of mind to do so.
So I decided to spend Christmas alone. I was fearful at first as it just didn’t seem right but I came to realise that the only thing I was really battling with was the fact that spending Christmas alone – by choice- is a taboo!
I can honestly say (weird as it may sound) that it was one of the best Christmas days that I have ever had). I met some friends for drinks on Christmas Eve which I really enjoyed and then set off home for my Christmas Day alone.
It’s not that I want to be alone every year – of course not – but let’s face it, there may be a time when it’s necessary again and now I do not fear it!
The best thing about spending Christmas alone was:
- My own schedule, having a lie in, eating when I wanted and not having to fit around anyone else’s plans
- Eating what I wanted, when I wanted!
- Watching what the hell I liked on Telly and not having to compromise
- Chatting to various people on the phone to hear snippets of their day – and the various moans that went with it!
- Having no-ones mess to clear up but my own
I like spending Christmas with someone special and this year I am -but if you are on your own this year, make the best of it and ENJOY! It’s another thread in life’s rich tapestry!
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Post CommentB
On November 13, 2009 at 10:06 am
Your experience of being alone at Christmas is representative of turning the proverbial \’negative experience into a positive one\’, and is a message that it needn\’t be all doom & gloom at Christmas.
By the sounds of things however, it would appear that this is probably the first time that you have been on your own at that time of the year, and being able to please yourself and doing your own thing was a welcome change to years gone by.
There are some of us who live on their own and spend every day doing their own thing and pleasing themselves, and would love nothing more than to experience what it is like to be with other people at Christmas, not to mention having someone special to share it with.
Holi
On December 13, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Good article & I enjoyed your writing style, but I also agree with the previous comment.
Being alone for the holidays once or twice in your life is ok, it might even be fun, but if it becomes a recurring theme in your life, it is a very big problem. As sentient beings we need to be needed — to know that we matter to someone. If you are alone for the holidays, repeatedly, the message is that you don’t actually matter to anyone, and that is devastating.
If that is the case, it is essential to reach out and connect with people who need you as much as you need them. Whether you have no family or are simply missing a vital relationship in your extended family circle, a more complete extended family will provide you with a more powerful support system.
There is a new service that matches adults to create surrogate extended families.
Try CreatingExtendedFamilies.com