Avoid These Valentine’s Day Catastrophes

Valentine’s Day is a time when romance reigns, and this involves going all out for that special someone in your life.  Sometimes things can go awry and dreams of that fairy tale evening dissolve in disaster.  Here are three true stories that offer valuable insight into what not to do on Valentine’s Day.  Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Flat Cat Fever

Before Dad met Mom at the University of Nebraska, he had tried for over a year to get a certain Nebraska coed to go on a date with him.  Using all of his charm, he finally convinced her to go to a movie on Valentine’s Day.  Dad, being the methodical guy that he was, went through great pains to make sure everything was perfect.  He purchased a nice bouquet of flowers; he wrote a poem that he planned to read to her; he went to the barbershop for a trim; he washed his car; and he dressed “to the nines” for the date.

She lived in town with her parents, so Dad had even purchased a box of chocolates to give to his date’s mother.

As Dad pulled his car into her driveway, he ran over and killed her cat.  The date was canceled.

Lesson #1: Unless you’re absolutely sure that your date has no pets, plan on walking everywhere that evening.

Double Dipping

When my aunt (Marlene) and uncle (Jim) were dating at the University of Nebraska, for a while they were still in the “on the market” phase as neither was willing to stake down allegiances to just one person.  As their relationship grew more serious, the claims of “you’re the only one for me” increased in frequency, and when he demonstrated his serious intent by asking her out to a Valentine’s Day dance, she enthusiastically accepted the invitation.

They danced for a couple of hours, and then Jim explained to Marlene that he needed to get back to the dorms to study for an exam the next morning.  Marlene, too, said she had a paper she needed to finish writing.  Though the night was young, they said good night and parted for the evening.

An hour later, Jim stepped onto the dance floor at another Valentine’s Day dance, with an attractive woman at his side.  As they were dancing, Jim turned and was astonished to find Marlene — and her second date of the night, as well — dancing next to him.

Fortunately, both Jim and Marlene were understanding about the second Valentine’s Day dates, and they even started talking to each other again within only four or five months.

Lesson #2: Do not “double dip” on Valentine’s Day; but if you do, wear a disguise.  Ideally the second date would be to a Masquerade dance.

Those Darn Vinyl Seats

A close relative of mine — let’s call her Ginny — had been set up for a blind double Valentine’s date.  She was apprehensive and nervous as the evening approached, but when her date picked her up at her dormitory, she was the picture of elegance and grace.

It had been her understanding that her date was going to first pick her up and then pick up the other couple.

As Ginny and her date walked to the car, she felt the excruciating need to pass gas.  Fearing that she wouldn’t be able to accomplish this task silently, she opted to wait until an opportune time.

He opened the passenger door for her, and she delicately and in a very ladylike way stepped into the car.  He closed the door, and she knew this was her chance.  The sound exploded from her lower regions, and she let out a big sigh.

Her date opened the door on the driver’s side and got in, and then turned to her and said, “Ginny, I’d like you to meet Bob and Susan.  I picked them up on my way over here.”

Bob and Susan were sitting in the back seat.

Lesson #3: This situation might have been unavoidable.  If it happens, be sure to quickly blame the vinyl car seats.  Either that, or try really hard to become invisible so you can avoid further embarrassment.

Have a wonderful Valentine’s Day, but be careful out there.  The romantic world can be scary!