Cope with the Other’s Depression and Enjoy the Holidays

Depression is an illness or disease.

Depression needs to be dealt with a proper treatment and support. You cannot give proper support, if you allow yourself to assume the afflicted person’s self-responsibilities. Consider that there are well documented cases of people, who suffer from depression that perform as high level executives with extreme success. Would you take cough medicine for a person that has a cold and expect them to get better? That would be absurd. A depressed person needs support. Support is the medicine of true emotion and feelings. \

How do you apply encouragement?

Addressing events and situations in the positive is a great support tool. Emphasize the joy of sharing what ever it may be with your partner or family member. Guide, suggest and invite, but do not push. Let the person know you want them to take part. If they do decide to join in, avoid expressing any regret about what you see as their level of enjoyment. Would you begin a weight workout program by trying to benchpress 500 hundred pounds? I do not think so. Accept and appreciate the other’s being there as the beginning of a building, process. Remember you are giving support to the person not taking responsibility his or her happiness.

What about you?

This is an important question you should ask everyday. The trick is to be honest in your answer. Here is a checklist to help you:

• Are you feeling weighed down or do you have conflicting emotions? It is time to step back. Slow down, break away and take time for yourself then come back and to study situation. Avoid acting for the sake of reacting. Allow your point of view time to realign itself.
• Are you putting aside your own list of items and off course from your own personal direction? Write down you daily goals that directly concern only you. Reviewing them on paper will help you to see more clearly.
• Are you feeling limited or are you putting limits on yourself that do not exist? If you are, make a list of what these areas are. Next to the list put two columns. Label one “Doable” and the other “Undoable.” Review the list first before making any final checkmarks. Put the list away for a while and comeback to it. Make the proper markings and again put away the list for at least an hour or two. After a good amount of time, review the list in earnest and re think your checkmarks.
• With all your information at hand, ask yourself, how can I make this work for us? The key word here is “us.” Frustration usually sets in when you loose the focus on “us” and it becomes centered on me.

The trick to the whole relationship is the us and me connection. Each has to have its boundaries, yet be flexible about it. Do not expect perfection or a smooth ride. All relationships are the same in that nature. A relationship in wherein one of the members suffers from depression is tougher and more stressful. Nobody seems to want to admit it, but it is natural to feel guilt. One of my favorite editorial cartoons from many years ago was an uncaptioned drawing of a single woman reading a book titled, “Guilt without Sex.” What it means is our ability to feel empathy offers the possibility of suffering guilt. When you sense this happening, run down the checklist and get back in touch with you. Do not let their depression steal from your enjoyment. Instead, take control and lead the way to a better holiday. Be your own inspiration and your partner, friend or family member will follow with your support.