We have all heard the festive holiday song that declares “what a wonderful time of the year” and the holiday season can be a wonderful time, if you get real. If you are as I am, every year you look forward to the holiday season as soon as the last one ends. One reason why is because I can put the trials and tribulations into perspective. For me to enjoying the moment is the goal. Not everyone can do that. Why? The answer is expectations. You want to live out the Hollywood fairytale storyboard of what the holidays should be. You are desperate to capture that fantasy. In attempting to achieve this you can lose sight of reality.

The holidays are indeed a time to enjoy. The enjoyment comes with learning how to lighten up on expectations. A favorite TV show holiday special has families overcoming problems in under an hour culminating in festival of love and joy. Some of these holiday programs might have been sponsored by those once popular commercials where the guy would say, “forgetaboutit.” In retrospect, these commercials were the sprinkling these show with a dose of reality. If your uncle Ernie was a horse’s butt the rest of the year, he will stay a horse’s butt for the holidays. The key is enjoying the holiday’s begins with acceptance of reality. Problems don’t dissolve by some mystical seasonal magic.. You either have to work them out or learn to accept their place in our lives.

Do you look to the holidays to cheer you up? Okay, take a moment of self examination and mull over if any or all of the following are elements of you holiday experience:

• Worry
• Uneasiness about what will happen
• Eagerly wishing but uneasy about what you desire
• Apprehension
• A lingering concern
• A sense of dread
• Feel a force that strains or deforms
• Mental or physical tension
• Urgency or pressure

These are meanings and synonyms taken from “Webster’s New World Dictionary and Thesaurus” for the words “anxiety and stress.” They are also not by any small coincidence symptoms experienced by people who suffer from depression. Sadly it is well documented by The American Psychological Association and the National Institute of Mental health, the number of people who experience some form of depression jumps upward during this supposed “wonderful time of the year. Well, there is the stress of preparation. Shopping. The anticipation of reactions. More shopping. Annoying crowds. Obnoxious drunks. Of course there is not only the Uncle Ernies to contend with but the other end of the horse, Aunt Edna in unison. And the stress of perfection, knowing that one person is going to do this or that. Don’t forget the pressure of time management on the conceptually impaired. Who are the conceptually impaired? Everyday people who forget you can’t possibly do everything you want or are expected to unless you run around in a red spandex suit with lightening bolt trimming. For these people delegation means a group of visitors from a foreign country. Are you beginning to feel those holiday vibes, yet?

There are keys to overcoming these unavoidable aspects of the holidays.

1. A few self-reality checks you can do standing in front of the mirror.
   1. Ask: Am I expecting a fantasy or reality?
   2. Ask: Am I looking to the holidays to mask or escape my problems?
   3. Ask: Am I putting too much pressure on myself or others?
   4. Ask: Am I doing things because I want to or looking toward getting someone else’s approval?
   5. Ask: Have I communicated my desires and feelings with others as well as taken the time to listen to theirs? Remember, listening to someone is a much more involved process than hearing what is being said. I liken it to taking a test where answering an essay question brings you more points than a multiple choice question. In an essay you are defining your understanding of the answer. In a multiple choice question knowing the correct answer doesn’t mean you understand it.
   6. Ask: How much importance have I put on my expectations?
2. Spend within your means. Give with your heart not with your wallet. The post-season bankruptcy filing rate is always a yearly high that fails to impress or garner appreciation from anyone.
3. Understand that self-time is not an evil but a necessity of life even if it is as little as fifteen minutes. On the opposite side interrupted self-time is an inevitable circumstance of every day living. Be possessive of this valuable component to self-renewal, but be realistic not rigid. Flexibility in thinking and understanding goes a long way toward building long standing relationships. Keep in mind that skyscrapers are built with calculations that include the sway factor.
4. Be aware that holiday celebrations are landmines laced with the ingredients that are known to trigger depression. Some of those ingredients are:
   • Sugar
   • Caffeine
   • Alcohol
   • Smoking
5. Volunteer or participate in some form of charitable event or gesture. The best and most satisfying way to do this is anonymously. I say this because it relieves all parties the stress of expectations in the manner of giving and receiving. I once participated in a group that anonymously donated the complete works for a Christmas celebration to a family that couldn’t afford one which included a decorated tree, gifts, food and a visit from Santa. The family was picked at random. And it was agreed that no one from our group was allowed to have direct contact with the family selected. They did not have to feel indebted or beholden to anyone. And for us to hear stories of the event gave us all an unequaled sense of pleasure from having made someone’s holiday a happy one.

In closing I offer you the most important tip to having a great holiday season:

Be honest with yourself.

Is your goal for the holidays to bring happiness to yourself or to add to the spirit of the season?

True happiness starts from within. If you are unhappy or even experiencing depression before the holidays, the season more times than not will compound your negative mood. If you truly want to be happy take the steps to learn why you are feeling what you do. No person, place or thing can bring you true sustained happiness. It is unfair and selfish to put that burden outside on another. Quick fixes offer great highs but even quicker and greater lows. Get support. Get help. Get happy. The creation of the true magic of the holidays and true happiness within begins with you.