Happy Father’s Day, Dad
by A tribute to my father on Father’s Day.
He Recognized Her
One of the things that frighten me about aging is the failing of health. If I could live to be one hundred, be capable of taking care of myself and still think clear, I believe I would find life enjoyable. The thought of having to rely on someone else for my care keeps me actively pursuing information regarding my health. There is a saying that your eyes are the windows to your soul, but I’ve looked into the eyes of those with Alzheimer’s and was saddened and mystified by what I found there. Prior to my father passing away I would stop to visit my father in the care home, sometimes taking my mother with me. It never failed that his face would light up when he spotted her, but many times I saw no sign of recognition when his eyes lit upon me.
Wordless Communication
My mother lost her ability to speak about five years back due to a stroke, but my parents needed no speech. He would gesture, she would follow with a response to his unspoken request. After 50 years of marriage their communication needed no words but the glances they exchanged spoke volumes. Mom would pack a small Tupperware dish with fudge swirl ice cream and bring a spoon in a lunch bag. She patiently fed Father, then gently wiped his face and planted a kiss on his cheek. Sometimes I would see a tear slide down her cheek. She would tuck the blanket in around his legs in the wheel chair, make sure his socks were pulled up and his slippers snug. She would then wipe every thing down that had sticky spots of ice cream on them.
Mom Had a Stroke!
I thought back to when Dad had called us and we all rushed to Mom’s bedside at the hospital. My mother has had a problem with hyperlipidemia (high cholesterol) for a number of years. She had stubbornly tried diet and garlic to lower it on her own, until she finally succumbed to the doctor’s advice and started taking medication to lower it. Mom worked long hours in a factory, and coached softball for the church youth group. She and Dad dieted together and were looking good. I thought her health was good, but she did not look good as she lay in the hospital bed. Frustration was written on her face. She was able to write us notes, but even then the words seemed to escape her as she stared at the paper for long silent moments.
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Post CommentCHAN LEE PENG
On June 21, 2009 at 7:13 am
Great tribute to dad, sister! May his soul stays in peace. Happy father’s day to all dads in the world!
CHAN LEE PENG
On June 21, 2009 at 7:14 am
Liked it.
Jenny Heart
On June 21, 2009 at 7:28 am
Beautifully said with much heartfelt emotions. Like it and love it!
Melody SJAL
On June 21, 2009 at 7:45 am
What a loving tribute to your dad. Happy Father’s Day to all.
Kairos
On June 21, 2009 at 7:54 am
beautiful, so touching
Daisy Peasblossom
On June 21, 2009 at 8:19 am
Where young love is a delight, witnessing the love of a married couple who have been together for a long time is a sacrament.
Mr Ghaz
On June 21, 2009 at 8:34 am
Wonderful tribute to dad..Fantastic words too..Have a blessed Father’s day
papaleng
On June 21, 2009 at 9:03 am
wow! a very touching tribute to your dad. I almost shed tears.
Anne Lyken Garner
On June 21, 2009 at 9:37 am
Aww… I’m really touched by this. Your dad truly loved your mum, but perhaps could not show it until he felt she needed him totally.
I never bonded with my dad either. If he has a good, gentle side, unfortunately, I will never see that.
I’m glad that you were able to make your peace with him before he died. (I thought that nurses were there to *remind* patients to eat.)
valli
On June 21, 2009 at 10:40 am
Great, loving and touching tribute to your dad.
Anna Storer
On June 21, 2009 at 11:53 am
Dear Judy,
The fear of growing old is just that-FEAR. What is fear?
F-False
E-Evidence
A-Appearing
R-Real.
Life is a process of conception(in all it’s forms),that springs to life and life it self is the concept of being.
My sweet precious one-be not afraid of growing old and all that it offers. Old age is not the end of independence. Look around you and see how many young people are dependant on us all because of some misfortune that has beset them. I nursed my Mum for six years (lost both legs because of diabetes),took care of my youngest brother(intellectually handicapped) and my Dad who will be 94 this birth day( was mugged twice in his own home and left with a broken hip after the second attack. In that time also under went a bowel operation)My younger brother died 4 months after my mum. My Dad is very frail-but very independent in many ways. My oldest sister has Alzheimer’s.
Be not afraid of what old age can bring. But be afraid of what you did not see when you had the chance to. One of my sons has a friend who lost his sight at the age of 17(now 23) through a freak accident. His family are millionaires, and all the money in the world cannot restore his site. But he is a very happy lad who can see and appreciate life for what it is. He and my son won the bronze medal in the world cycling championships in Argyle Switzerland in 2006 for Australia. The young man(Bryce Lindores) also won bronze in Beijing.
Your tribute to your Dad is one of the most warmest I have read in a long time. But to just bring all these loving sentiments only on a day once a year is taking away the very thing that is your Dad-a Man for all seasons and for everything that God meant him to be. Love him and remember him as you your self would like to be in the pages of history – a beautiful dove with the spirit of God.
All my love and Be Blessed Always for that love which you have.
goodselfme
On June 21, 2009 at 11:58 am
I have waited to read this since I knew of its existance before it was published. A fine composition of sharing your father with me and so much of your parents life as well. Thank you. You are quite a warm, loving spirit to be able to write such a piece as this in tribute to your father. To me I see you bonded maybe after his passing. What a wonder that seems to me!
Anna Storer
On June 21, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Buy the way-for those who do not know, in Australia we celcbrate Father’s Day in the first Sunday of September and Mother’s Day the second Sunday of May.
And may each day be a special, beautiful day to all.
Judy Sheldon
On June 21, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Chan, I agree with you, happy father’s day to all dads!
Jewels, Melody, Kairos, Mr. Ghaz, and Valli, thank you for your warm support.
Daisy, their love was and still is touching. I was lucky enough to watch them renew their wedding vows on their 50th anniversary.
Anne, my father had problems expressing the gentler side of his nature. His anger would get the better of him and we saw that often, but her illness transformed him.
With Alzheimer’s the patient forgets how to eat, even how to swallow.
Anna, my husbands mother has been bed ridden for years and on a feeding tube. Her memory fades in and out. My father seemed to have lost recollection of all but the special feelings he held for my mom. I think of both of my parents daily. Love should not be celebrated once a year – like Valentine’s day, but making a little more to do about it then is nice.
You have given some very wise advice and I am so proud of the medals the young men won.
Roberta, Dad always struck fear in me. We were never close. I visited him because after all, he was/is my father but it is hard to spend time around someone when you feel they would prefer to not have you around. I appreciated so much when he began to treat my mother more tenderly. I love and adore her, so anything or anyone that made her happy, made me happy. It was only recently that I realized he was not malicious; just not able to express affection or encouragement. Not everyone is equipped to handle being supportive. Love expresses itself in other means.
Louie Jerome
On June 21, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Mice piece, Judy.
Louie Jerome
On June 21, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Um…or even NICE piece! LOL Sorry Judy, there’s not a mouse in sight!
Momma Tells
On June 21, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Heartfelt piece, Judy. Treasure your memories…
Juhls
On June 21, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Touching tribute… there is sadness in the details of decline, but so much triumph and inspiration from love and devotion radiating from your family despite these tribulations.
Jane Benitez
On June 21, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Judy, I really enjoyed your article as tears rolled my face- I am such a softie. Your article was so vivid and had tremendous feeling. Thanks for sharing a beautiful tribute to your Dad.
BC Doan
On June 21, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Beautiful tribute, Judy!
Cynthia Bartlett
On June 21, 2009 at 8:09 pm
I worked four years with Alzheimer’s Residents. I understand what you went through. Beautiful tribute to your dad.
Ruby Hawk
On June 21, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Judy, you were and are a thoughtful daughter. Some people are not able to show warmth because they never had any shown to them as youngsters. It doesn’t mean they don’t have the same feelings everyone else has. I have had friends with Alzheimer’s and it’s a terrible thing to watch. All the ailments of old age is something to dread because we see what happens to so many of our elders but we can only take care of ourselves and hope for the best and enjoy our health and mobility while we have it.
maranatha
On June 21, 2009 at 11:14 pm
This is a wonderful tribute, all the more so for the stark honesty you display. I’m glad you have come to find peace between you and your father.
Francy
On June 21, 2009 at 11:54 pm
Thanks, I like it
quiet voice
On June 22, 2009 at 12:42 am
…my, my Judy, I could not help but feel the deep love you had for your parents. Tears welled up in my eyes also. Very
special piece. All of us have complicated relatuionships with our parents sometimes. Life is like that. Take care always Thanks for sharing.
Judy Sheldon
On June 22, 2009 at 6:35 am
Louie, you always write so perfect. It’s nice to see that your spell checker hic cups too!
Momma Tells, I try to explain that to others when I hear them squabbling over material thins. It is the memories and feelings that outweigh all those.
Juhls, Jane & BC, & Francy, your warm support is very appreciated.
Ruby & Cynthia, Alzheimer’s is something formidable, and I plan to fight it. We must enjoy and treasure our physical and mental health.
Maranatha, that peace was a long time coming, but I savor it now.
Quiet Voice, our parents play a huge role in who we are, and if not for them, we would not be. Thank you for your support.
HeyZel
On June 22, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Very nice.
swatilohani
On June 23, 2009 at 6:52 am
cool
Lex92
On June 25, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Great tribute to your Dad!