Safety First

If your target is a psycho, let it go.  If they are the type to grab weaponry and shoot blindly in the dark because they think it’s their duty as an American to use their confederate era shotguns on real people at least once in awhile, forget it.  If your best friend posted a photo of your seventh grade class picture on facebook, and you know their single mom who sleeps through anything will wake up in the morning and make them clean, go for it!  If you have a pain in the ass neighbor who will go all CSI and spend time the next day searching for footprints or other “evidence” to bring to the authorities, go ahead!  Just follow these tips.

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Don’t Get Caught!

1. Wear dark colors.  Make sure you have no white, yellow or orange on your body. Do NOT wear those shoes with the flashing lights or reflective strips.  Hoods are good, but stay away from ski masks, that’s a sure way to freak out witnesses who otherwise would ignore a bunch of crazy kids TP-ing a friend’s home. 
2. Wear comfortable clothes you can move in along with some good running shoes.
3. Make sure you are quiet.  It’ll be hard not to giggle, but save it for when you drive by the next day and see the victim outside with a garbage bag and a look that kills.
4. Park far away from the scene of the “crime”, and walk along sidewalks or streets, not through people’s yards.  Only trespass on the victim’s property.
5. Make a plan to reconnoiter at a safe place if you’re interrupted during commission and need to flee the area.
6. Depending on who you are pranking and how many people are in your party, a good idea is to hold cell phone contact with the victim inside the house.  This way, you can be aware if they see your shadowy figures outside and you need to make a quick get-away.  Just make sure you maintain your composure if you are discovered during your conversation so he or she doesn’t realize your part in the prank.
7. Be careful of footprints.  If there is snow on the ground, keep a small whisk brush in your pocket and swish those prints away as you back out of the yard.  There isn’t much you can do with mud, so only TP when the ground is dry.
8. Plan ahead to get your toilet paper, a little at a time, days or weeks before the act.  If you go through the express lane at a 24 hour market when it’s dark out, the jig is up, you may as well be wearing a sign.

Practical Tips For Making The Most of Your Window of Opportunity

1. The golden rule of Toilet Papering is to stay away from anything that causes real damage.  If it can’t be fixed the next day with some elbow grease, DON’T DO IT.  No eggs or any other sort of food, either, it’s hard to tell what will stain or stick beforehand.
2. Choose small rolls of extra strength toilet paper.  These will make it easier to really throw them over taller trees. 

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Use Creativity and Style

1. Use shaving cream to write messages to your victim.  Don’t be offensive, kids and old people will be looking at this, too, not just your boys from homeroom.
2. Plastic wrap can be awesome when used sparingly.  Target a few small areas, since it can be time consuming to do it right.  A mailbox is perfect.
3. Back in my day it was all about toilet paper and shaving cream, but now plastic forks are all the rage.  Good job, younger generation!  Whenever you get a chance, take a couple extra plastic forks from fast food restaurants to keep the cost down a bit, and then plant those babies in a fork garden.
4. Bring along a box of tissues, preferably the kind that pop up when you pull one out, so you can scatter them around the yard like a little kleenex fairy.  These are a total bitch to clean up if it rains.