How to Survive a St. Valentine’s Day Massacre

So it is nearly upon us, that dreaded day, February 14.  The day when lots of singles feel like Billy or Jilly-No-Mates because they wake up to nothing, nada, from the mailman, the florist, the jeweler or the candy store.  Why should perfectly sensible, intelligent, happy people feel bad about not receiving these false symbols of undying love on that particular day of the year?  The simple answer is down to hype and marketing on such a scale that it makes some people squillions of dollars and other people feel paranoid.

If the Valentine’s hype really gets to you, if you cannot face telling your colleagues and friends that you received no declarations of undying love, not even one tiny rosebud, then LIE!  Send yourself cards, about five should do it.  Do not forget to disguise your handwriting.  Inscribe your cards with messages of unrequited but eternal love.  Don’t forget to post them in good time.  Call into the florist and order yourself a dozen red roses, to be delivered to your workplace around mid-morning on February 14.  The message on the card should read “You Know Who I Am,” underscored by several kisses.  Maybe you could forget the chocolates; they are just the icing on the romantic cake and you won’t really need them to impress folks.

After you have successfully lied to everyone, you will actually begin to believe your own “slight manipulation” of the truth.  Or, you could save money and still bring off the Big Valentine’s Day Deception.  Simply send one huge card with a padded, red satin heart surrounded by roses and cherubs.  Have it delivered to work and just put one big kiss X and a huge question mark inside.  As you open it, blush while smiling enigmatically, then show it around your colleagues with exclamations of delighted surprise.  Less is more, so don’t overact, especially when lying.

But you could just ignore the whole merchandising, mercenary fiasco that is Valentine’s Day and thank your lucky stars for being a happy, sensible, intelligent SINGLE person.  Whatever you decide to do,   do it with that style you know you possess in abundance.  Happy un-Valentine’s Day to all.