My Sad Thanksgiving

So my Thanksgiving sucked.  It was alright.  I mean, nobody got mad at me or said anything mean to me, except Grandpa did try to tell me what to do again.  He said, “That was nice of her to take you grocery shopping.”  And I said, “Well I’m sort of doing her a favor too since I buy things with her that have a limit.”  And he said again, “That was nice of her.”  And it’s like, did he not hear what I said?  He always needs to state things as he thinks it is as if his opinion is fact and mine is meaningless.  Maybe his harshness comes from having a full German father. 

So we went to Hometown Buffet with my brother from LA, aunt and her husband and son, and my grandparents and her sister and the sister’s husband and Jellybean.  And my aunt and grandpa asked me what am I up to…and I said, “Oh nothing.”  Because I am DOING NOTHING, sort of.  Nothing that they consider worthy of time.  All I do is write in my journal and reread what i wrote in the past in my journals, highlighting them and writing updated notes.  In my journal I write about ideas rather than events, and then some short stories or ideas for stories and a lot of my past stories sucked to me because they were too unrealistic.  A lot of what I wrote I became not interested in, either the story, or the ideas, in 2008.  So I have yet to make my newest 2009 journal into a hardcover book form so that I can reread it like my other 1000 pgs of journal.  This last one is over 500 pgs long.  I am thinking that right now I need to figure out how to tweak my journal into something more appetizing to me, and to write more stories that i can critique later in time to tweak as well.

Oh so about Thanksgiving DAY, the food was good, but I was bored because nobody talked to me.  And nobody talks to me because I have nothing to say.  But I find that certain people I talk to a lot and have a lot to say when with them, so I dont think it is just me.  My aunt gossips a lot and is close to my Dad so i asked my dad if she gossiped about me, and he said there was something that made her not want me to stay over at her house.  But he couldnt remember what it was, or just didnt want to tell me, and so ever since then I felt like my aunt secretly doesnt like me.  She used to be my favorite aunt too, until she scolded me about dreaming of being a hacker because of all the cool movies that celebrate it.  She said she was going to tell everybody how mean I was.

So my brother starts driving me home bc I didnt want to watch Ninja Assassin, or any other movie out there, even Disney, and I think there is a black princess because we have a black president.  I was wondering why there were no black princesses yet too, except maybe Jasmine.  And thank god there is no more Snow White singing with the bouncy voice thing cause that sucks.  So my brother drives me home before going to the movie with my cousin, and during my ride home, I say “When I thought i didnt have a place to stay and had no money, nobody in my family was willing to take me in, and I think that shows just how much they dont love me.”  And he said that it doesnt mean that.  And I said “Yeah if that happened then I was going to run off and never tell any of you where I am and be who I REALLY would like to be but cant because I feel like I am supposed to live like our family wants me to right now.”  And he said yeah right.  “Like what?” he said.  And I said, “Well first thing is I’d move to New York which Dad says is stupid.”  So we got into a fight sort of in that way and then he said something about not wanting to hang out with me tomorrow (Friday) and I said “Fine.”  And then when it came time for me to get out of the car I said, “Thanks.”  And then he said, “See you tomorrow.”  And I said, “Maybe not.  You said we shouldnt.” and I closed the door.  And went into the house…quite sad.  Happy Thanksgiving to me.