Just some rude christmas jokes I found. Please feel free to comment. It would be greatly appreciated.
Q. What connects Santa Claus and my sex life?
A. They’re both non-existent.
The Christmas must have toy this year – Divorce Barbie – she comes complete with Ken’s car, his house and all his accessories.
It’s Christmas Eve and Mrs Claus is chatting to her friend while she gets ready for her date with Santa. She’s putting on loads of make-up and very provocative clothes when her friend says: “Good grief! Don’t you think you’re going to far?” “Are you joking?” Mrs Claus replies. “Santa only comes once a year and I plan to make the most of it!”.
Q. Why is it obvious Father Christmas goes commando?
A. Because he’s called Saint Knickerless!
Tony is walking through the park on Christmas Eve when he sees Tony is a wanker written in urine in the snow. So he calls the police and asks them to test the urine to find out who’s responsible. Later an officer says: “The urine sample belongs to your brother.” Tony starts to cry so the officer pats his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I know your brother doing this must be a terrible shock.” ”No, it’s not that,” Tony sniffs. “It’s in my wife’s handwriting.”
Q. Why is Santa Claus a typical man?
A. He turns up late, drinks your booze, empties his sack and leaves before you wake up.
Q. Why is a Christmas tree better than a man?
A. It’s always erect. It always looks good – even with the lights on. Even a small one gives satisfaction. It has cute balls. And you can throw a Christmas tree out when it’s past its sell-by date.
First woman: ‘What do you like more – Christmas or having sex?’
Second woman: ‘Christmas’
First woman: ‘Why?’
Second woman: ‘Because it happens more often.’
Santa was arrested on Christmas Eve for playing with snowballs. The snowman is pressing charges.
Q. What links casual sex and a Christmas cracker?
A. There’s a pathetic bang and the novelty wears off quickly.
Newsflash!! Frosty the Snowman has been spotted in the vegetable section of the local supermarket. He was picking his nose.