Santa Flaws

As Christmas approaches, I would like to take a moment of your time to share with you the knowledge i have acquired from my extensive research and background check on Santa Clause.

He is known by many names i.e. Kris Kringle, Santa Clause, Saint Nicholas, and fat guys who breaks into my house via chimney.  Do you know who else has many names?  Satan i.e. The Devil, Prince of Darkness, Lucifer. And if you could please note, Satan is Santa with the n at the end, not the middle.  

If any of my fellow readers here have paid any attention to civil rights, than you should be familiar with the 13th Amendment.  If you weren’t aware, this act abolished slavery.  Hmmm, I guess Santa didn’t get that memo then, huh? Because if he did, your kids wouldn’t have little toys and trinkets, made by the persecuted little elves, in their arctic sweatshop.

Every year on the birthday of our Lord and Savior, Santa gives tidings to a great number of children, who earned their presents strictly by being on Santa’s “nice” list, whatever the hell that means. So, I suppose he ran out of paper to include Ting, one of the millions of starving 3rd world children, who just buried 4 of his brothers and sisters, because they got bloody diarrhea from the diseased water in the nearby river.

So in conclusion, I hope your happy, in your comfortable homes, that aren’t made from mud and rocks, while you open your presents that were made in China, not the North Pole, by little migrant workers, not elves. And please do not continue to spread these falsehoods any longer. Tell your children the story of Jesus, not the fatass who can somehow eat cookies from every house in the world, and magically not get diabetes.