The Christmas Survival Guide
by One survival situation stands out above all others. Here is how to deal with it.
It saddens me to see so many little books about survival, especially at Christmas, a time of year when it seems that most of the population suddenly feel they need to learn how to build a hot air balloon out of a leaf, or a satellite phone out of a smooth pebble.
Survival Guides are rife, spreading ever outward from a whole myriad of birthing grounds. A glance along the “gift ideas” section of a bookstore these days and you walk away believing you can survive on the Moon with nothing more than a white sock.
Not that I’m sceptical, in principle it’s a wonderful idea… but it would have to be a rather impressive and multi-functional sock, to say the least.
What saddens me though is the fact that nobody has yet had the courage to address the most desperate survival situation of all; no real surprise given the enormity of the thing! Sure, “experts” blabber happily away on how to survive bear attacks, how to pass nights on arctic tundra in sub-zero temperatures. There are even (or have been) guides on how to prepare for nuclear fallout and biological warfare… the list is, quite literally, endless.
But all of these “trials” are as nothing in comparison to the soul abrading tedium of wrapping Christmas presents!
The worst part of it is this: you have no choice! Bear attacks and arctic tundra can be harsh, but in most cases they can be easily avoided; but not wrapping presents, no sir!
Preparation will only get you so far, caffeine and sheer willpower a little bit further; perhaps you can draw strength from some happy memory to keep your spirits high? I hope so, but we all know that these are no more than stalling tactics, very temporary delays of the inevitable.
Sooner rather than later that horrible numbness will set in, when the eyelids grow heavy and the energy leaks from the body, pooling around the feet in a thick and hopeless puddle.
Your fingers start to ache, tips worn raw by the cello-tape; a thousand microscopic lacerations (aka paper cuts) make your hands stiff and unresponsive. But the pile of presents has not been diminished!
What can you do?
Well, here I lay out several basic points that might help the stranded present-wrapper, and though each individual must deal with their own demons, the weight of experience and simple good sense must speak for itself:
Liked it
