The Christmas Survival Guide
by One survival situation stands out above all others. Here is how to deal with it.
A – Focus
As time passes, you may well find that your attention wanes (you are human, after all). There are three standard and accepted ways to momentarily retrieve focus:
- Pain: stabbing the leg with the scissors will hold away fatigue for a short time. Though take note, this is no long term solution and has, in extreme cases, resulted in mild hospitalisation (some people will go to great lengths to escape…).
- Anger and rage: blame someone for your predicament; kindle the hot hatred within and use the embers to get through the cold monotony of sheet after sheet of festive wrapping
- Love: convince yourself you are doing this terrible task for someone, and that they are worth it. There is no shame in this self-deception; we all “wrap” alone. Honour is a price few of us can afford to pay.
B – Beware your Mind
It is both your worst enemy and your most loyal companion, with the power to break you or to guide you through the longest hours of the day. And those hours are indeed long. Remember: No mind: No thoughts: No tedium!
C – Do Not Fight the Despair
This may seem a strange tactic, but the harder you fight the sense of lethargy the worse it will be in the end. Instead, embrace it as a friend! Then when the heavy cloud of sloth thins (as it is itself so worn down that it cannot maintain a truly dominating vigilance) work in a burst of energy until it returns. The end result will be both increased productivity and retained sanity. No mean feat.
D – Take Pride in Your Work
There is a powerful temptation to rush through the process; to simply churn out wrapped presents with no consideration for presentation. This temptation must be resisted at all costs! Firstly, doing a good job softens the blow of finding out you’ve wasted hours and hours of your free time (softens; not negates!). Secondly, you will not be forced to re-wrap later when your sister/mother/wife/partner comments on what an awful mess you’ve made.
E – Think Ahead!
The most important point (’E’ stands for “exceptionally-essential”)! When purchasing your Christmas presents only buy regularly shape ones, cubes and regular prisms; the more lines of symmetry the better really. This is made easier these days by the fact that most items come in boxes (shoes, whisky, DVDs etc.). This forward planning can greatly facilitate wrapping.
But in the end you will be alone, a single candle casting a flickering light through the room and the many demons represented perfectly by the dancing shadows. Just do what you can; I only hope the few points above have been of some help.
Liked it
