Virtually everybody throughout the globe has been affected by the worldwide recession.  So it should come as no surprise this year, if some of your friends of family will give homemade gifts to try and save their hard earned cash.

Now I’ve got nothing against homemade gifts, I have received some beautiful homemade gifts before such as cross-stitch framed pictures, framed family photos, pottery, hand made cards or even hand made jewellery.

However, we all have some very distant relatives (the ones that we don’t talk about very often), who are slightly eccentric at the best of times – and here is a list of the worst homemade gifts that I could think of receiving this Christmas.

• Homemade Ear Wax Candles

For those who have watched the hilarious comedy Father Ted, you might have a better idea of where I am coming from..  Picture the scene, huge globules or dark yellow/orange/brown pieces of ear wax, collected following your relative having an ear syringing exercise – then having it  moulded into a candle.  Gross!

• Homemade Jam – Toe Jam!

I love homemade jams – especially spread on a buttered scone, or a slice of warm toast.  I love them, because they contain so much more flavour that factory made jam – but I could not imagine anything more disgusting than receiving a pot of homemade toe jam – lovingly scraped from between the toes of your distant cousin, twice removed.

• Homemade Knitted Human Hair Sweater & Scarf

At least one of your relatives will love knitting, so it’s customary that you should receive at least one hand knitted sweater or scarf each year.  Well this year, your relative has pushed the boat out by not even bothering to buy some wool.  This year, they have collected all of the hair out of the plughole from the bath and the sink, and have knitted them into a matching sweater and scarf set for you.  Watch out for the short curly hairs..

• Homemade Recycled Soap on A Rope

Being given a brand new soap on a rope is bad enough, but imagine your shock and dismay when you open up a recycled soap on a rope.  Your relative has saved up all the tiny slivers of soap that they have accumulated over the year, and then squashed them all together, to make a new one – just for you.  Not only is it several different colours, but it is also riddled with the bits of body hair that escaped being flushed down the plug hole.

• Homemade Toenail Clipping Necklace, Bracelet & Earring Set

Here’s one special gift for the lovely ladies out there.  Every woman loves jewellery, and I can’t think of anything more unique than a wonderful long string of hard yellow toenail clippings draped around your neck, accompanied by some drop tail nail earrings & bracelet.. Not!!

• Homemade Yule Log

I’ll give you two guesses how this one is made!  Let’s say it can be delivered warm and fresh on Christmas Day!  (And no – the below photo hasn’t been taken by myself I hasten to add!)

So just remember if you happen to receive a homemade gift this Christmas, don’t be ungrateful, just be thankful it isn’t one of the gifts I’ve listed above!