Am I the only person out there who detests trick or treating? I mean, why should I be bombarded by gangs of children in fancy dress extorting sweets from me every year?! What did I do to deserve this? I thought there were rules guarding this tradition. I propose an immediate regulation of trick or treating with conditions as follows:

1. Children to only go out accompanied by responsible adults. This hopefully would deter those ‘older’ childre who are more interested in the trick part of the process anyway 
2. Children to only knock on the doors of those people who are willing to take part. This should be made very obvious by a pumpkin on the doorstep or in the window, or any other such paraphenlia decorating the front of the house (don’t get me started on that! 
3. Trick or treaters to carry one standard-sized container. Everyone should have a small container that’s my inner socialist talking!) and once the container is full, the trick or treating ends. No arguments, no excuses. Anything more than that is just institutionalised greed. What are we encouraging in our children these days?

If these rules were adopted worldwide, the trick or treaters would all have a good time, people who really aren’t interested in celebrating the tradition won’t be bothered that evening (or any other time around the date – they’re coming out earlier and earlier these days) and everyone will go home with the same amount of candy so no arguments that one person’s got more. Having small containers will also make sure that the children in question don’t end up on a week-long sugar high. I mean, I’m the one who has to teach these little angels on Monday morning and there’s nothing worse than a whole class going cold turkey from sweets and chocolate when you’re trying to start a Maths lesson.

So is it me? Am I the Halloween version of the Grinch? (whatever that may be) Am I wrong to enjoy my peace and quiet as these autumnal evenings draw in? I like my house the way it was built, without the addition of eggs on the walls or the windows! Maybe I’m just getting too old for all the excitement! We’ll see what this year brings.