Why I Hate Mother’s Day

This is going to stir up some trouble, of that I am certain. But I really, truly hate mother’s day, and not because I have some deep-seated, Freudian loathing of my own mother. There are several reasons I dislike it, but the biggest reason is a very personal reason. It’s because I am embarrassed and annoyed by a day that is spent saying Thank You for something that we have chosen to do, something that we could no more un-do than our own birth. It comes across as children thanking their mothers for being born and I can’t stomach that. The idea that my children owe me some debt of gratitude for their own birth is really kind of sick. If anything, I should be thanking them for making me a mother.

I chose to have my kids, personally, although not everyone does, but for me it was a choice because it’s what I wanted more than anything. Moreover, motherhood is a biological necessity for the propagation of the species, of any species, and we do what we must do to raise our young to self-sufficiency. In some species that could take a few months, others a few days; some species the young are left immediately at birth or even at conception (like frogs). Humans are more complicated animals and we require more nurturing to make it to self-sufficiency.

All mothers make sacrifices, as do all fathers, at least of the human variety. Even the really shitty ones. This excludes abusive and homicidal parents, of course. And yes you can be a shitty parent without being abusive or homicidal. I’ve been a shitty parent from time to time and I know it. There have been times when I’ve let my own agenda and my own selfishness interfere with the best interests of my children, and that is shitty parenting. That doesn’t mean you let them watch too much TV so you can read a few more chapters of your book. That’s just sneaking one in, that’s not shitty. Shitty is when your kid is crying because they fell and got hurt but you’ve had such a bad day that when the cry hits your ears, instead of stopping to scoop your baby up, you yell, “Oh my god, NOW what are you crying about?” and it just makes them cry harder.