Why Santa is Evil

For those of you weak of heart, please turn to a different article now.  This will turn everything you know upside down, inside out, and then set it on fire.  You will feel as if you’ve been lied to your entire life.

Every year, millions of Americans celebrate a holiday on December 25, one that results in gift giving, tree decorating, and even the occasionally caroling.  Yes, this holiday is Christmas, and the figurehead of this holiday is none other than Santa Claus.  Portrayed as a jolly, portly fellow who resides in the North Pole and sends gifts to all the good little boys and girls.  But, there are some things you don’t know about the man you so loving call “Saint Nick”

1.  Santa = Satan – Look at the spelling.  Isn’t it a little too close for coincidence?  As I further my argument, this will become more and more obvious the relations that Santa and Satan have.

2. “He sees you when you’re sleeping….” – Stalker much?  Especially since this is targeted towards children, this turns Santa into a pedophile.  He even looks like one, with the creepy white beard.  If you saw a man that looks like Santa Claus staring into the window of your child’s bedroom, the first thing you would think of is not sweet or caring, but of a creepy pedophile that deserves a face full of your shotgun.

3. The Color Red – There are many things that the color red, which is arguably the main color for Christmas, that indicates the satanic properties that Santa possesses.  For one, Satan is depicted as a red devil, and Santa wears a red coat.  However, there is another key reason why he wears the red.  It doesn’t show blood.  This leads into my next point of….

4. “Be good for goodness sake” – what’s with the emphasis on being good?  What happens when you’re bad?  It’s been said that you get coal in your stocking when you’re bad, but I think something worse happens.  His coat is red to hide the blood of all the “naughty” children that he so mercilessly slaughters for not giving him the correct material to arouse him.  And what is being good?  When you leave your curtains open so that he can peek inside when you change clothes?  Yeah, exactly.

5. Stockings – Why exactly we hang socks above our fireplace?  They’re made huge to go along with the lie that they’re there in order to receive extra small gifts along with the large gifts under the tree.  But in reality they are an allegory to represent all our feet roasting over the flames of hell.  I’d expect nothing less from Satan.

6. Christmas Trees – Satan hates the earth, and wishes for hell to rule for all eternity.  So it’d only make sense that he’d make each household kill a tree in the name of a holiday.

7. Cookies and Milk – Suppose for a second that Santa was indeed nice and jolly.  Why then does he require the payment of milk and cookies?  Think of it more of a payment for keeping your souls for another year.  Doesn’t that make more sense?

8. Elves – How exactly does Santa make all of the toys for all the boys and girls in the world?  Through the use of cute little elves that sing and dance and prance around?  HA!  The truth is that the souls of those poor unfortunate kids who end up on the naughty list and are slaughtered by Santa/Satan are then dragged into hell in order to make the toys keeping up Satan’s cover.

With this evidence now shown to your previously ignorant eyes, the only question that can be running through your head is: Why didn’t I see this sooner?