You better watch out, You better not cry

A holly jolly Christmas rant by Dean Aivaliotis 

An elderly man sneaking into your house in the wee small hours of the morning, leaving presents for you and your family under a tree.  Is that really a pretty picture?  

I was sitting at my piano this morning going over “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” for a gig later this evening.  I was enjoying the tune because it’s got some bounce to it and leaves lots of room for soloing.  While soloing, I started to sing the lyrics in my head to keep track of where I was in the song.  I stopped playing immediately.  I asked myself if anyone had ever noticed how creepy this song really sounds.  

He sees you when you’re sleeping

He knows when you’re awake

He knows if you’ve been bad or good

Come on! Has it ever been okay for someone to know all that about you? Why is it okay when it’s Santa Claus?  As a parent, would you want someone watching your kid when they’re sleeping? 

After that thoroughly disturbed me, I started thinking about the concept of Santa Claus itself.  His red rosy cheeks (alcohol), the glitter in his eyes (pot), the “snowflakes” on his beard (need I say more?).  What about all the toys he conveniently has on his person when he’s out.  And you know that red suit he wears? The Spartans wore red capes so their enemies  wouldn’t know that they were bleeding.  Santa wears his so no one can see the blood from the children that take a ride in his sleigh.  Plus, he’s got that velvet/suede thing going on.  So the blood can just pass as the suit when you brush it one way or the other. Level with me here and picture this: 

“Hey there young fellow, have you been a good boy this year?” 

“Santa! Yes I have! Yes I have!” 

“Well come to my sleigh and pick a toy for yourself!” 

“Okay Santa!”