Abortion: One of Life’s Biggest Decisions

Receiving the news

For many women, discovering that they are pregnant is the best news in the world.
On the flip side, some women are faced with the biggest dilemma of their lives, when possibly a pregnancy was unplanned, poorly timed, or in some devastating circumstances, a result of an incident such as rape. The pregnancy may then be the worst news a woman could receive.

For those women who welcome the news, they begin an exciting journey of planning the arrival of a new life.

What about those women for whom pregnancy just isn’t right for them?

Options

Every woman has a right to choice. They may not always be aware of their choices, but they do have a right to awareness of these.

Abortion remains a dirty word, tantamount to a swear word for many people. In today’s society, opinions have barely changed, and the concept of abortion remains a very negative one.

For those contemplating abortion, the first thing they should do is visit their GP to discuss their thoughts, feelings, and of course what options are available to them.
In the UK a woman can currently have an abortion up to 24 weeks pregnant, however the earlier in the pregnancy they have this, the less traumatic it will be.
Abortions are available on the NHS, however a woman must fit into certain criteria to be eligible for this. Alternatively there are many private abortion clinics all over the country, but the services offered can be pricey.

My story

In 1999, following a marital split, caused primarily by years of unsuccessful fertility treatment, I had a brief relationship with a man, and amazingly I found myself pregnant.
What should have been the best news in the world for me, instead, presented me with circumstances that were far from ideal. I had finally got the chance to have my much wanted baby, but was I in a stable relationship?

At the age of 26, one thought dominating my mind was that my biological clock was ticking, and this may be my one and only chance to be a mother.

Unfortunately for me, the father of my baby got ‘cold feet’ and decided almost immediately that he did not want to be a father. This put an immense strain on me, as the concept of abortion was something I had very strong views on.

As a nurse I had worked on gynecology wards, and had seen wards crammed with young girls, waiting like lambs to the slaughter, to have abortions. The memories I had of that were dismal, and I did not want to be one of these women.

On discovering the news, I was only 5 weeks pregnant, so fortunately had time on my side to make a choice.
The pressure was upon me from day one, as my then partner was adamant he would not be part of the pregnancy, and insisted I had an abortion.
To complicate matters, he then resumed his relationship with his ex-partner, and therefore was focused on that relationship, not ours.

I was devastated. I had never felt so alone and frightened. And the worst feeling was knowing that only I could make the decision on keeping, or killing my baby.
At a time when my mind was all over the place, the father of my baby persuaded me to attend a private abortion clinic to “discuss” the possibility of aborting my baby. He said it as if he was doing me a favor!

The thirty mile drive seemed to take forever. When we entered the waiting room of the stark white clinic, it was occupied by several couples, there for one reason, and one reason only…… to end a life.
The bizarre thing, that I remember so vividly even to this day, was that there was an immense atmosphere, and not one of the couples appeared to be conversing. Almost as if no one really wanted to be there?

I felt physically sick, waiting for my name to be called. Part of me just wanted to run out of the clinic, but I felt the pressure was really on me, and there was no going back.

Then my time had come. A gentle faced nurse called me through to a room, again stark and clinical feeling. I assumed the episode would be medical in nature, but in fact all that was in the room were two chairs, a coffee table and a box of tissues.
Throughout our entire conversation, I fought back tears, lip quivering, I was trying to appear together, as if I knew what I wanted when deep down the last thing I wanted was to be there.
Fortunately for me, the kind nurse must have seen hundreds of ‘mes’ in her career, and detected very quickly my reluctance to even be there.
Before I knew it, I was blurting the entire story to her, through floods of tears.

The outcome was that the nurse told me I was no where near ready to make such a big decision, and being very early in my pregnancy, she encouraged me to consider my options more carefully, and return only if I really was definite I didn’t want the baby.
She reinforced everything I had been through to get pregnant in the past, and questioned why I would so easily give up on my dream.

I owe that lady so very much. Had she not offered me such wise, yet simple words, my beautiful seven year old son would not be here today.

Removing a life

Seven years down the line, I have recently given birth to my second son. With difficulty conceiving, I was again referred for fertility treatment.
By freak chance, two days before Christmas 2006, I attended hospital for an unrelated reason, and discovered I was in fact already 14 weeks pregnant without even realizing it.

My circumstances this time round are far happier, and entirely stable. I remember every stage of my pregnancy, whereas I have no memories of the first.

I struggle even now to comprehend how my life would have been, had I taken the step to abort my baby. Where would I be? What career path would I have taken? What relationship history would I have?

Having struggled for most of my son’s life, to work full time and bring him up as a single mum, I still don’t regret my decision.

I scrutinized my recent pregnancy. Amazed at the ‘presence’ my baby had, growing inside me. I felt him kicking from an early stage, but as I was unaware of the pregnancy, put it down to ‘wind’.
I remember having a scan at 21 weeks, and being amazed at the rate of growth. We discovered we were having a boy, and were even told his estimated birth weight.

This was a life growing inside me, how could anyone consider removing that life?
I continue to be amazed that the abortion laws allow women to expel fetuses, or should I say, live beings, as if they deserve no chance in life.

I pray that the abortion laws change, to reflect a more ‘reasonable’ and ‘humane’ time that a baby should be aborted. The sheer hell that a woman must have to go through to actually have to give birth to an established, yet dead fetus as late as 24 weeks is truly beyond comprehension.

The physical and emotional scarring that then ensues, and stays with a woman for life really does need to be taken into consideration, when allowing someone the right to remove a life inside them.

I still live with the guilt that I nearly aborted my baby, even though I didn’t, it is there with me, regardless.

Women need to seek as much advice and support as they can, before they make hasty and regrettable decisions. If a decision is made knowing that you have weighed up all possibilities, it is a much easier one to live with.

Several years down the line, I have no regrets about the path my life took. It has not been easy at all.
My son’s real father will always live with the regret that he chose not to be involved in his son’s life, but that is his decision, and he has to live with that all of his life.