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Are You a Tough Guy? If So, Drink Soda!

That macho-man in you is read to come out – just have a soda and you’re ready to go mano-a-mano with anyone.

Guys want to be real men, right?  You want to have washboard stomachs, rippling muscles and a chest that could double as an aircraft carrier.  Isn’t that what men want – to be an Arnold Schwarzenegger clone, to swagger around just having your macho-ness drip from you as easily as perspiration?

Now scientists have discovered that drinking soda will get you well on your way to that body beautiful, Mr. Universe physique you’ve been looking for – at least in your mind.  That’s right, belly up to the bar, guzzle down a few cans of Coca Cola, Pepsi or Dr. Pepper and in no time flight you’ll be thinking of yourself as macho as Superman.

Fizz to Macho Relationship

At the University of Southern California – where muscle men abound, on the football field at least – scientists have discovered that the carbon dioxide in sodas (the stuff that makes soda fizz) activates the same pain sensors as mustard and horseradish and because of that drinking soda proves how tough we are – because we can withstand the pain.

Now, you may rightly ask – why is this important research?  Good question.  After all at a private university that pulls in somewhere in the neighborhood of $40,000 in tuition for each student, where school deans are paid upwards of $200,000 a year, and where the term “recession” is a foreign language, you’d think they would want to concentrate on more important research.  Then again when you routinely pull in that kind of money without breaking a sweat you might say you can do anything you darn well please with other people’s hard earned money.

Carbonation Key

So, the researchers who looked into what carbonation might do in beefing up the male ego concluded that drinking soda creates two sensations – it makes things sour and it makes for a burning sensation.  I’ve never had a soda that produced those sensations, but who am I at 180 pounds to quibble with macho science?

The scientists claim that as we drink soda – particularly when we drink too quickly – we may experience a noxious or tingling sensation.  Those sensations activate cells responsible for pain.  These are the same cells that respond to mustard.  Taking a giant leap from that conclusion, the scientists say that carbonation greatly reduces the growth of bacteria.  So, if we continue to drink soda even thought it affects our pain circuits it means we are trying to be macho by continuing to drink in the face of the pain reaction soda drinking causes.

Then, again couldn’t we conclude that we just like the taste of the soda?  Sure, but that would probably mean several USC researchers would have nothing to do.  I’ll drink to that.

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