Children and The Boundries We Set

If all children were born with instruction manuals parenting would be a breeze. Ever time something went wrong we could look up a solution. The truth is in order to make our children happy we tend to let them rule over us. They actually control us with crying, temper tantrums,and refusal to comply. We try to please the child to avoid conflict. Negotiating with a child is the worse thing we can do.

Children need structure. When a child knows what you expect of them they learn how to react. They in turn react to their environment within the boundaries of the family dynamics and relationships they experience. Children basically want to please. Disappointments are handled well if they are sugar coated by telling them how brave or strong they are being able to handle the situation.

Giving in to tantrums is like telling a child “this is how you get things”.  If you give in ,you can expect repeat performances.  Trying to rationalize with a child tells them they have your attention and and that they have control over the situation. Negative attention is attention and that’s what all children want.

Giving children effective ways to handle and solve problems carries on into adulthood. After all childhood is a learning process of how to be an adult. Through rules children develop structure. Written rules, posted punishments and posted chores lets a child know what you expect of them. A child learns his/her behaviour has consequences and he/she knows what they are. Enforcing the rules and not giving in sets boundaries. Rewarding a child for obeying rules reinforces the behavior.

Tell your child how much you love them often. After all this is what he/she wants from you, your love and respect. Children learn from their parents, and if they learn to love and express love often, “Isn’t that the greatest gift we can give our children?”.