Crazy Liberal Saves the World

If we encourage children to be homosexual, we will cut down on the size of our population. With less children being born we will use less oil and become less dependant on the middle east. We’ll also cut back on pollution and contamination. We will lessen our carbon footprint. Yay! Gay marriage will be given special privileges and heterosexual couples will be protested against on street corners.

If people are caught having heterosexual sex they will be blacklisted from most professions, except possible the arts, all the weirdos hang out there.

More Taxes

All businesses will pay a 100% tax. All workers will work for no pay and the government will own everything. In other words, there will be no tax because we’d just be using the governments equipment. We’ll be all tribal and what not. Everybody will work hard at their jobs because if they don’t the world will collapse. See, I can be an idealist too.

One World Government

If we have a united world government, we will have no war. We will also not have to worry about free trade or competitive markets. Our high taxes will not drive off businesses because there is no where for them to go! We also will not have to worry about illegal aliens. Unless there really is life on Mars. In that case we’re screwed.

Animals Have More Rights Than People

The abuse of Animals will be strictly forbidden. The Animal race will be treated as our superiors. Eating meat will be illegal. Fast food, since it is highly addictive will be extremely illegal and will be sold on every street corner. I mean, well, not how it is now but all undercover like.

Prisoners Are Honored Members of Society

While the prisoners will still be looked at as failures, they will be given certain rights that other people do not have. For instance, while Prisoners will have room and board they will not have to work. Average citizens will need to work for their food and homes.

Guns Are Outlawed

Because there is no such thing as property, there is no such thing as crime. Because there is no such thing as crime, there is no need to protect yourself. Hunting is illegal because so is eating meat and because animals deserve more respect than to be trophies.

Drugs Are Legal

Smoking pot would become the new national past time. Because it encourages laziness, it will be seen as an important part of the liberal diet. Hallucinogens have a strange effect on the brain, they create a feeling of empathy with the world around you. This will be viewed as required studying in college.

Religion Is Outlawed

Seriously, who needs religion? It is highly over rated and completely unneeded. In fact, because of its controversial nature it is outlawed. Anything that requires a leap of faith will be examined by the top scientists and if they confirm it to be plausible, it will be allowed to stay in as a form of hypothetical science, how ever, if it is considered illogical and inconsistent with even its own creation story, well then it is rubbish and tossed out.

Prostitution is Legal

Well, kind of. I mean, since there is no money in the world, you would have to trade for things. Women and men can trade their bodies for places to live and food and such. You know, like marriage. But they’d better be homosexual or else!!!

Competitive Sports Are Illegal

Because they don’t teach team work, they teach hatred for “Them” or “The Others”. Competitive sports are divisive and we can not have such things!

So vote for me in 2021! I’ll bring the change we need! Enough of this democratic society! Once I have all the power I will give it right back to you, the Earthling!  Also, if you don’t think this is funny you have no sense of humour. It is a joke.