Discovering Domestic Violence

June 17, 2008 – The day I happened to find a website about domestic violence.

People post real-life stories about all experiences with abusive partners-both men and women. And if you sign up, you can add experiences, opinions, or post your OWN questions.

Silent treatments, rages, crazy making, it really comes in all forms.  Covert and overt as well.

I started to see myself in these stories.  I started to hear Baldy’s words being echoed back to me, through someone else’s pain.  Real, heart wrenching pain.

That place is my therapy right now, while I sit on a waiting list to speak to a psychologist.

I cottoned on to the idea that Baldy was in fact a narcissist, and that coupled with an abuser is equal to waiting for a volcano to errupt.  You know it’s time, it lays in wait, spews a bit here and there, and then kaboom.

The Following are the Characteristics of Physical, Sexual, and Psychological Abuse:

Physical abuse may include slapping, shaking, beating with fist or object, strangulation, kicking and threats.

Sexual abuse may include coerced sex through threats or intimidation, physical force, forcing unwanted sexual acts, forcing sex in front of others and forcing sex with others.

Psychological abuse includes isolation from others, excessive jealousy, control of his or her activities, verbal aggression, intimidation through destruction of property, harassment or stalking, and threats of violence and constant belittling and humiliation.

Domestic violence is also an act of power and cowardliness. This is a short story of my own encounter with domestic violence.

Please Get Help if You Need It. Save Yourself.

Life as you know it is no longer quiet, rational, peaceful, relaxed, loving or sexual.

I have never experienced such a profound way of thinking within myself than that day. And I was literally sick to my stomach for a couple of hours.

To learn that MY life had been manipulated, stomped on, the number of dreams that were shattered, just the pure deviousness of it all made me turn to stone.

I hated Baldy from there on in.  I moved into the spare bedroom.  OH the guilt feelings I felt! But he was a monster, so I was okay with that.

I even bought a pair of ear plugs because he started having showers at 2 in the morning, or cranking up his music, or stomping and sighing through the house.

The Big White Elephant.  In the middle of the room.

August 10, 2008, I ran. Two suitcases, my mini schnauzer, jewelry I may have to sell, and a really shiny red Jackson guitar, compliments of Baldy, who doesn’t even know it’s GONE yet.

I haven’t missed him for one day.  He is poison.