Over the years I have been intrigued by the number of people who have grown up in dysfunctional homes. My personal interpretation of dysfunction for the purpose of this paper would simply be the absence of balance and harmony in their homes. I have watched in horror as the trend has continued to deteriorate, leaving behind it a long trail of hurting, confused and broken lives. Most carry on into their old age with deep scars upon their hearts being a constant reminder of the fierce internal wounds they developed during the crucial formative years of their lives.

Observing the world around me, it is not difficult to see the depth of pain that these homes have caused from the indelible marks left by the individuals involved upon our innocent planet and the humanity it accommodates. The crime, wars, enmity, jealousy, murders, sicknesses, diseases, hate and countless bizarre acts are proof that humanity has missed its course somewhere during the inception of order, misguided by their disorderly climate. It is not unusual to note that this is not a problem of a certain people, nation, tribe or race but a universal issue cutting across many nations of the world. “The home” according to some religious clerics is “under attack and it is time to salvage it at all costs”.

I have personally witnessed the devastation that has been caused by parents without a clear vision for their lives, who create a dark cave with a lot of painful memories for their human cubs. Perhaps an indication of the existing animalistic nature within them that seeks expression to the detriment of those at their mercy. The anguish of the soul often not heard in the many dark nights that surround these unfortunate protégés who tend to give back in full measure what they themselves have always received and experienced; the ministry of pain.

Stories of unimaginable atrocities made by adults on their unsuspecting children has been a constant feature in the various forms of media worldwide.

I recall a recent story that hit the United Kingdom about a man in one of the European nations who raised his own daughter as a concubine and kept her locked up in a small dungeon like room in his home for many years and had sexual relations with her which bore seeds of incest. The news was a revolting discovery which was another reminder of the barbaric behavioural characteristic of man. A personal indication to me of creatures created by a God who least expected His creation to become His greatest regret.

From the shores of Europe to the villages of Africa, Asia and the Middle East where men as old as sixty take the liberty of marrying young girls ranging from ages twelve to sixteen who give birth at tender ages, same having injurious effects on their reproductive systems for life. Such as fistula; a tearing of the tissue that separates the bladder or bowel from the vagina as a result of girls giving birth too early or at tender ages. This causes them to leak urine with no bladder control and become an outcast in the community that subjected them to this destiny and the men who created it. These same grandfather husbands proceed to marry multiple under aged wives and create for themselves an oppressive kingdom for the young girls seeking understanding from a world that their parents have sold them into for mere peanuts or to settle a debt. Poverty is truly a curse and the root of many untold heartaches. These early marriages have often been the result of deceit by deeply ingrained cultural and religious beliefs passed down from generation to generation.

According to a global HIV/AIDS news analysis conducted by an international Christian charity; World Vision, who worked and researched in rural areas of developing third world nations, some shocking truths were revealed which include the following. In Bangladesh, more than 52.5% of the girls in that country are married before they turn sixteen. In some parts of Chad, it is considered a curse for a girl to begin menstruating while still living under her parents’ roof. In Kenya and Zambia a higher rate of HIV infection was found in married young girls than in their single counterparts. It has also been shown from studies that women who married under the age of eighteen in countries like India were twice as likely to experience domestic abuse. Other problems that arise from early marriages lead to illiteracy, domestic violence, health issues, sexually transmitted diseases and extreme poverty.

What is it that has caused most parents to sell their daughters to such degrading experiences and lifestyles? The report which combines observation by its staff working in these areas and previous research on the issue identifies poverty as the major factor for early marriage. Others include natural disasters, wars/communal clashes, cultural/religious beliefs and young girls orphaned by HIV/AIDS, who have become a burden to relatives also struggling financially without a desire for the extra burden. Orphans also experience this situation of being sold off early in marriage or exposed to child trafficking practices. An example is a report on a girl in Ghana who lost her parents at the age of five and stayed with her aunt till she was thirteen, at which time she was given to her aunt’s husband as a second wife and forced to bear two children for him before she ran away. It is not indicated whether she left the children with him or left with them but usually such cases involve leaving the children behind, due to lack of funds to cater for them. This creates a cycle of the same circumstance awaiting these innocent souls.

We have examples of children killed by their own parents for absolutely no reason at all and many who introduce them to substance abuse very early in life. What can be said about parents who would choose their addictive substances over their own children? I recall a young preacher who told a story at a conference I attended two months ago. He was an American whose parents were both alcoholics and usually chose their booze over a meal for their children to eat. They raised three disillusioned boys, one had died from an addiction, another seriously ill and depressed, with the speaker himself being a onetime patient of a mental institution.

This is not a problem based on gender either though many examples above point to men as being the major culprits. No, this is not the isolated situation at all, most of the mothers have equally been influential in some of these terrible acts because they went through the same thing, so did their mothers and they know no other way. Their mentality is imprisoned in the cell of cultural beliefs and influences. Some have made deadly decisions in a moment of anger and rage brutally crushing their children and the people around them. So this internal problem is not targeted to an isolated type of person, but a general breed that have been raised in hostility and are crippled by a conditioned mindset from creating a better family themselves.

So having pointed out the gloom of the world around us, what is my main projection as I conclude? I believe that it is time for individuals to begin to make and take constructive positive decisions as agents of change. It is time to say no to the repetition of generational circles and create new ones. It is time to become accountable for our lives as individuals and collectively. My sincere personal belief is that if an individual knows that they are still deeply wounded by their past, they should not repeat history by producing seeds in that state. They need to determine in their hearts to build a future that does not represent their past but improves it.

My question to you the reader is simple, ‘Why raise a family when you lack the skills, mentality, discipline, knowledge and will power to make a difference? Can u make a change when you have not changed yourself? It is time to say no to dysfunction in our homes which have had a destructive effect on our communities and choose to make an everlasting change. So can we achieve this in our lifetime and adjust our mindset? I take a cue from the words of Barrack Obama the first African American elected president of the United States of America, “YES WE CAN”. I choose not to be judgemental but break it down to the singular unit of responsibility that I believe that we all should, “YES I CAN”.