Equal Parental Responsibility = Legal Child Abuse

Because the courts act on the presumption that contact with both parents is in the best interests of the child even when there is a history of abuse, they almost always impose contact orders. In 2004 in cases where the resident parent opposed contact because of ‘serious welfare issues’, most of which involved allegations of domestic violence and child abuse, staying or unsupervised contact was granted in 60% of the cases.

Emotional abuse is the most common form of abuse to be reported, and the most damaging. However, it leaves no trace and, as it usually takes place in private, no evidence so it is easy for professionals to ignore it. Court orders supporting contact between the children and the father are made frequently by the courts which disregard the mother’s concerns for her own and the children’s safety. In a review of over 300 cases in 2008 where the non resident father was applying for contact, the mother raised serious welfare issues in 63% of the cases but direct contact was only refused in 21% of these cases.

When a couple separate, the father is probably in paid employment whilst the mother will either be not working or working part time in a low paid job. This makes her very vulnerable. Financial abuse may have occurred during the relationship and continued or increased after separation. Financial issues are supposed to be totally separate from contact issues but the number of nights that the child stays with each parent means that the father can cut down the amount of child support he pays and may even be able to get the child centred benefits instead of the mother meaning more financial abuse of the mother. Financial abuse should be considered as bad as rape with a relationship and should be of considerable concern to the courts.

Men and women’s parenting skills are judged by very different standards. Professionals ignore men’s lack of parenting skills and scrutinise the mother’s in great detail. Fathers should have to prove that they are capable of responsible parenting before contact is granted. Even where the father is abusive, professionals say that it is the woman who needs to change.

For shared parenting to be successful, the parents need to trust, respect and communicate with each other. They must both be committed to it for shared parenting to work. It is obvious that parents who end up in court are the parents for whom shared parenting has already failed. Enforced orders cannot make parents trust each other, so are more likely to cause distress to the children and the primary care giver.

The coping strategy of children to abuse can cause them to reject their mother. They can emotionally distance themselves from their mother and apparently form a closer bond with the abusive parent. Children can side with their father and can join in with the abuse of their mother to help them to cope. They can express anger and aggression towards her. They can also be so scared of punishment that they do not dare to tell anybody about the abuse.

Continuing contact with both parents is only one of many factors which contribute to good outcomes for children. The well being of the child’s primary care giver is inseparable from the needs of the children. The rights of some parents to have contact with their children are being put before the children’s need for safety. Courts very often do not take mother’s concerns seriously. The women are either not believed or the risk to the mother and children is not understood. Shouldn’t it be obvious that the women who has lived with an abuser for many years knows his capacity for abuse far better than a court that sees him for only a few hours?