How to Master The Rare Art of Persuading People

“Come out slugging”.This is the typical tactic of the untrained,wild swinging amateur.The canny pro knows the risks of this.He spars cautiously and respectfully.Then he goes to work systematically to carry out his campaign according to plan.

When you make a talk or have a conversation on a controversial topic,you must carefully choose your approach.With the wrong approach,there is a risk that you will run into a hostile listener reaction.This will floor your talk before you get really started.With the right approach,you may be able to be genuinely persuasive.

Changing minds

Now inducing a person to change his mind is a very delicate operation indeed.We are proud of the ideas we hold.Some ideas have been formed as a result of years of study and experience.These are very precious.Other ideas have deep seated emotional roots.The lessons you learned at your mother’s knee are planted deep and securely in your very own personality.In another person,these tendencies look like prejudice.But if it is my idea,it seems completely rational and completely satisfying.Each of us looks upon cherished ideas with the same uncritical regard as an indulgent parent feels for a child.Others might see a spoiled “brat”,but parent look through different spectacles.

If you make a brutal front attack on a man’s cherished ideas,he will react in the same way he would if you criticized his child.He will resent it.He will put up his guard against everything you say.He will surely not abandon the idea but will hug it more tightly than before.

Make your idea look attractive

The moral far a speaker is this:Try to make your idea look attractive to the listener.Try to make him want to agree rather than disagree.Having started with a respectful acknowledgement of his idea.Proceed to build up your idea gradually

How do you build up your idea?

You do it by making the idea appealing to the listener.He must be helped to see that the idea has valuable benefits for him.You establish rapport with him when you demonstrate that you are open minded,that you understand his point of view,that you are sincerely interested in his welfare and you have something of value to offer him.

Be patient

The mature persuader learns not to be over-eager.You should avoid head-on collisions of opposing ideas.You should try not to step on intellectual and emotional corns.

The rebuttal instinct 

One of the worst enemies of personal persuasiveness is the rebuttal instinct.In a discussion there is very great temptation to only pretend to listen to the other point of view when you are in fact preparing the sparkling rebuttal speech which you will give as soon as as you can break into the conversation.Your companion senses that this is taking place and he unconsciously lases into a rebuttal preparation when it becomes his turn to listen .Thus a discussion degenerates into a subliminal battle of wits.Points may be proved.objections may be disposed of,but there is no true persuasion.

No tricks

Lets this sound tricky or clever.Let me assure you that it is not.I am talking about intellectual honesty and a genuine concern for the welfare of others.One can be really persuasive only if he deeply and genuinely believes in his ideas.Further,you cant really make an idea look attractive to another person unless you honestly believe that it is good for him.You cant be really persuasive unless you are wise enough to recognize that there are two sides and that a reasonable person might prefer the other side.

If you involve sympathetic emotions,you have a chance to be genuinely persuasive.