Have patterns that match your color contacts and a special belt holder embroidered in pearl with your nickname. A snug fit in the hand with a custom set of ear buds so you can walk, talk and look good at the same time. Photo capability in case some breaking news event occurs while you are on your way to Starbucks. Not to mention slide capability to expose the full keyboard for serious texting with your friends and associates at work. Palm size it slides into your pocket with ease and doubles as a flashlight on dark nights when you can’t see the lock on the front door.

Multiple case covers so you can change them to match your wardrobe. A vertical mirror so you can view your profile holding your cell phone to your ear. You wouldn’t want a screw up at this point because a lot is riding on your phone blending in for suppose it should ring and while the crowd watched you shamefully had to leave the room to answer. Special ringtones especially designed to heighten the aura of your presence. While everyone else has nondescript alarms and beeps and orchestral tones you burst forth with the instrumental track from Star Wars or some bluesy classic from the 1970’s.

Just for emphasis hold the cell phone up as if even you were startled that a wedding or banquet was interrupted by your phone and join a loud chorus with the other guests who wait as you battle to shut the phone off, loving every minute of the attention. Set times during the day when call volume is anticipated to be the highest and turn the cell phone off and put it on the charger. Your disappearance will only heighten your importance as everyone from your ex to bill collectors are wondering where you are.  Turn it back on when the evening approaches and be sure to return all the messages in public places preferably on the railroad or passenger bus. Talk in a loud voice and let the other passengers in on your conversations. Hold the phone slightly from your face so the phone is visible and you can receive complements. Go to your favorite drinking place repeat the same drill but change the responses after all you have already returned the calls earlier.

Consider getting a new phone with voice activated calling so you can associate ridiculous and humorous tags with the telephone number of friends and enemies. When frustration strikes you can voice activate a call and then apologize and hang up. Eventually when the love for your cell phone has died you can smash it to the ground in public the final publicity stunt.