Black and white that ain’t right is the look I get when I walk side by side with my african-american husband.  My skin is pale, freckled and clearly of European descent.  Those disapproving and even disgusted looks come from both sides of the cultural spectrum.  Its not just a white prejudice.  Black women give me angry looks and some folk just turn away and refuse to see us as a happy couple.  White men look disappointed as if my choice in partner is an insult to their standards.  Their eyes narrow or lips tighten and they look away from me while my husband endures hard glares. 

On the other hand, this reaction is limited and is not typical of the behavior I have encountered in the eight years we have been an interracial couple.  People on both sides of our families have been both extremely loving and welcoming while a few oddball comments have slipped.  When we attend family functions one of us is always the white or black sheep but more often it is my husband who stands alone in his contrasting skin color while I more often find racial company in the functions we attend.  I am certain part of this is the geographical averages of interracial development.  I grew up in an area of Sacramento whose grammar and high schools could count the number of african-american students on half of one hand.  In the time elapsed since I graduated high school and college, the communities that were once primarily occupied by white residents have become more culturally and racially diversified.  And still, I get the looks that say -black and white that ain’t right- but they grow fewer and come more often from the senior community of old prejudice. 

When we attended the Sacramento Juneteenth Festival this year 2009, I took it upon myself to purchase and wear a pin that said Proud to be black  The vendor who provided the button was happy to collect my small donation but a few vendors down the row I came across a twisted lip comment Proud to be BLACK? as if I had no right to display such a comment because I didn’t belong to the black community no matter who I was underneath my surface pale skin.  My reaction was to walk away and delete all her vendor photographs so that I would be sure to never feature her in any publication.  I was hurt but not crushed.  My husband’s comment was some people are just ignorant … lots of people understand that you’re supporting Juneteenth and the history of black American culture by wearing that pin.  When I experienced my small hurt, I noticed how I wanted to reject and this in turn told me how wounds are often the prompt for racial prejudices that weren’t programmed from a lifetime of social persuasion.  Hurt and pain often create a defensive reaction that strikes out at the easiest target.  I felt a small core of racial prejudice budding until I took charge of the emotion and recognized its source as one limited individual rather than a culture as a whole.

Black and white interracial couples seem to endure stares more often than any other interracial couple.  At least I know this from my own reaction because even I look at black and white couples more closely than any other.  I am interested in them from my perspective because "like attracts like."  I look at them in search of the subtle exchanges they make and I wonder about their situations and their children.   I see more black and white couples attracting extra glances and stares than an asian and white or a hispanic and white couple sitting two tables down from them.  Maybe its just me in my hypersensitivity to a situation common to my own.  I am sure all interracial relationships suffer their own stigmas and levels of social conflict. 

My interracial marriage came later in life so we have no racially mixed children to test the waters of young society’s acceptance. However, I still hear conversations about the teasing mixed children can suffer by the insensitivity and cruelty of youth.  Because I was always an outcast in school due to extreme shyness and social ineptitude I know that teasing and taunting comes in all shapes, sizes and intents.  Perhaps the children of mixed parentage are teased for their different skin tones, their hair texture, or their color of eyes by their peers and even family members but teasing is not likely to end when racial prejudice is eliminated. Respectable, loving attitudes of adults are the foundation for a socially developed community of young citizens but maturity takes time. For the most part, tolerant parents encourage the development of tolerant children. Bigotry and prejudice are not always passed down from generation to generation. nor is it always the product of childhood example. We are individuals with God-given free will to formulate our own opinions and attitudes.  It is my personal belief that the closer we are to the divinity of God’s grace, the more we are able to accept the endless differences in mankind and welcome them with open arms.   All content and photos copyright by Susan Raines

Other Articles by Susan Raines

1. Juneteenth in Sacramento celebrates freedom and black history

2. Reno Rib Cook-Off is a Crowded and tasty Festival for BBQ
3. Extreme sport FMX is flying high action entertainment 

4. Hot August Nights in Reno Hosts Classic Cars Galore  

5. Walt Gray Ride For Kids is a Roaring Success

6. Walt Gray Ride Interview & Photos

7. Simple Pleasures build a day at the Ca State Fair

Photo Galleries by Susan Raines

1. Photographic Art Gallery

   Walt Gray Ride For Kids Motorcycle Photos

3. FMX Extreme Sport Motorcycle Stunt Photos