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Interracial Relationships: Black and White That Ain’t Right

An article from a first-hand personal experience on interracial relationships and the reactions they create in society that continue to defy the supposed end of racial prejudices.

Black and white that ain’t right is the look I get when I walk side by side with my african-american husband.  My skin is pale, freckled and clearly of European descent.  Those disapproving and even disgusted looks come from both sides of the cultural spectrum.  Its not just a white prejudice.  Black women give me angry looks and some folk just turn away and refuse to see us as a happy couple.  White men look disappointed as if my choice in partner is an insult to their standards.  Their eyes narrow or lips tighten and they look away from me while my husband endures hard glares. 

On the other hand, this reaction is limited and is not typical of the behavior I have encountered in the eight years we have been an interracial couple.  People on both sides of our families have been both extremely loving and welcoming while a few oddball comments have slipped.  When we attend family functions one of us is always the white or black sheep but more often it is my husband who stands alone in his contrasting skin color while I more often find racial company in the functions we attend.  I am certain part of this is the geographical averages of interracial development.  I grew up in an area of Sacramento whose grammar and high schools could count the number of african-american students on half of one hand.  In the time elapsed since I graduated high school and college, the communities that were once primarily occupied by white residents have become more culturally and racially diversified.  And still, I get the looks that say -black and white that ain’t right- but they grow fewer and come more often from the senior community of old prejudice. 

When we attended the Sacramento Juneteenth Festival this year 2009, I took it upon myself to purchase and wear a pin that said Proud to be black  The vendor who provided the button was happy to collect my small donation but a few vendors down the row I came across a twisted lip comment Proud to be BLACK? as if I had no right to display such a comment because I didn’t belong to the black community no matter who I was underneath my surface pale skin.  My reaction was to walk away and delete all her vendor photographs so that I would be sure to never feature her in any publication.  I was hurt but not crushed.  My husband’s comment was some people are just ignorant … lots of people understand that you’re supporting Juneteenth and the history of black American culture by wearing that pin.  When I experienced my small hurt, I noticed how I wanted to reject and this in turn told me how wounds are often the prompt for racial prejudices that weren’t programmed from a lifetime of social persuasion.  Hurt and pain often create a defensive reaction that strikes out at the easiest target.  I felt a small core of racial prejudice budding until I took charge of the emotion and recognized its source as one limited individual rather than a culture as a whole.

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User Comments
  1. Heather

    On August 25, 2009 at 10:14 am

    I never gave much thought to this topic, I guess because I don’t see the color difference. Unfortunatley the world is filled with close minded people. Another awesome article I can’t wait for the next one

  2. Valerie Hayes

    On August 25, 2009 at 5:22 pm

    In my case I seem to stare and feel strange at first with any thing different. The more I get out there in the world the less it happens but it still does into my old age. More communication like this one helps….Guest

  3. XXElleXX

    On September 15, 2009 at 2:59 am

    Inter-racial marriages are very common in Australia. All humans regardless of race, ethnicity, nationality, religion, culture, lifestyle etc belong to the same species, hominadae. I don’t think two people fall in-love with one another because of their contrasting skin colours LOL. You have shown great personal courage and I’m glad you have found someone who loves you, cares for you and stands with you. The fact that your hubby is black and you are white is really of no consequence, except to those who have nothing better to talk about! I am also in an inter-racial relationship (he’s Italian and I’m a white Australian) and I have found life is far too short to become caught up in things that don’t matter. Excellent write Susan and I love the pic too :-) BTW You should visit the forum, I think you will enjoy the company of some of the writers in there.

  4. Leonardo da Vinci E.

    On September 25, 2009 at 11:31 am

    I have sorrow that you and your husband must endure the backwardness of our culture; Its good to note that things are improving slowly. “We the people” are determined that America will one day live up to its idealistic Constitution.

  5. R Capel

    On September 26, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    I applaud your comitment and courage to glare back into the eyes of the ignorant folks you have encountered with this article-well done!

  6. rog

    On September 30, 2009 at 2:36 am

    look at africa, look at haiti, look at detroit, look at any area with a high concentration of negroes and you have high levels of crime, rape, aids and general stupidity running rampant.that is why people stare, your with a simian. congrats.

  7. Susan Raines

    On September 30, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    Dear poor Rog, may God bless you and keep you and others from the harm of your ignorance. May the darkness of your soul find relief from the depth of its pain of hatred so that you may some day know God\’s love and the love of your fellow man of all color, creed, and sex.

  8. Stephanie

    On December 14, 2009 at 1:23 am


    does anyone know how to contact the writer of this article? Her name is Susan Raines.
    My email is

  9. kidcrossen

    On February 6, 2010 at 9:49 am

    Susan, I am sorry for the moronic comment from Rog, people will believe anything no matter how fantastic. I really enjoyed your article and thoughts!! Very well-written and articulate/well-put. I have a black girlfriend, who I met online, havent met her, but I already dread getting stares when I visit her. She says it wont happen. I have gotten to really love her, her skin color is almost irrelevant, she is very unique as people go, but I cant tell my brother about her skin as he is a bit racist,and if my girlfriend decided to come visit me, I would almost have to talk her out of it because of my brother, Well, thanks for your article and God bless you and keep you! Sincerely, Will

  10. steen

    On April 28, 2010 at 11:42 am

    I find it amazing that all the white females MUST bring their African into the white community – all of them. I believe white females do it for attention. I also believe that they know darn well what would be their fate if they went to live in a black community – among his people.

    I also believe she looks at him as her pet, as if she’s taming the savage beast. She’s saving him; she’s rescuing him; he has no chance without her pity and support.

    The cultural and racial divide is there. It is established by males…and it will always exist. Her children will be black. Not mixed but black.

  11. Melinda J

    On August 6, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    Oh my Lord, I can’t people are so bold to post these negative comments. Great article, Susan. May God continue to bless the union of your marriage.

  12. funkystarkitty50

    On September 6, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    I pray that you will continue to stand strong with your husband in the face of ignorance. I’m Black, my husband is White, so I know the stares. I just ignore it because you have to have a thick skin dealing with narrow-minded people. Prejudice is a disease and there are still people who are sick with it.

    Good Luck to You and Your Husband:-)

  13. Mariette Weyers

    On November 10, 2010 at 2:49 am

    Good day readers and writers. Im an afrikaans girl grew up in an boer house.. My father is from the old regeim. I have fell in love with a colourd man. im 25 he is 29. We have been together for 6months now and what a endless fight. From the beginning i have been open about what was happening in my life and the happiness is around and on my face. I have been greatly excepted by his family,Wich are from great morals and visions.But unfortunately not by mine. I got pregnant 2months ago and lost our baby at 10weeks due to stress..I heve 3sisters including me we are four. It was a constant fight from day one. The humiliation aparently killed them. The heartache killed Almost me but did our baby. After the loss Family and friends came to me and advised me that im lucky to have a second chance. and that I should have known a tiger and a lion doesnt sleep under one tree.We have lost our baby.. AND NOT ECHATHER. i am stilled conored by family and friends to stop our relationship.. But its impossible the love we have is undescribeble.And have made a decision, My family made the choice to push us away. and therefor i am not taking part in this fight anymore, i am not participating in their sleepless nights of hate and pain.I understand and aknowledge I cant change my father a man of 69 to adapt to me and therefor will respect him and my mother best way i can. We see a future together and children wether it works out or not its life and the road were on. But up untill then I believe in our love. And will stand up and fight if needed for our love.I have lost 3sisters wich one is gay and for her my situation was unecseptable!!! LOL I have realised it is an endless fight. and need to stop wasting time on the negativity of the world out there and to love and enjoy the positivity of our world.. At the end of the day isnt that what true love is all about.. Stay strong in what you believe in. And respect another human beings choice of life. You never know when you gonna need it most.

  14. baz

    On December 6, 2010 at 9:39 am

    Im a 36 year old white English man and I have been with my girlfried for 6 and a half months now. She is Ugandan and black as the ace of spades. I can honestly say she is the best women I have ever known.

  15. christine

    On January 29, 2011 at 2:13 am

    I have been having a very hard time with this myself this incredible man that is beyond my belief at how loving and tender he can be asked me out we were friends at work started there at the same time and recently I began a divorce and he asked me out I didn’t know what to say I wanted to say yes but he was black and I white and I had been taught against such a thing yet here he was staring me in the face the man of my dreams was I going to let the color of his skin ruin what we could have. My black girlfriends told me he would hurt me and treat me as a possession and that a sexual encounter with him would be very painful. Most of my white friends that know him say he is a great guy and we all bleed the same color do it. God created all of us and all of us are different in some way shape or form I am sure my dad will never accept us and I guess that is ok because I have decided I am going to try it many white women have dated and even married black men and I don’t see blood running down their legs every day. Even though I am afraid of what we will face I am going to take this plunge because he is who I want to be with. He makes me laugh and he makes me feel so different than I have ever felt before I think God knew what he was doing when he brought him into my life. I am scared but I am excited and the only way to find out is to find out so here I go head first

  16. alvinwriter

    On February 9, 2011 at 10:44 am

    Freedom of love is important and shouldn’t be compromised by others’ opinion. People will always have a say in society.

  17. Steve

    On March 22, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    i have nothing against black people, but i can’t stand seeing a white woman with a black man. i’m no racist, but to me it just doesn’t seem right.

  18. christina

    On October 6, 2011 at 12:02 am

    I am black and my fiance is white and I love him to death and I have grown to now care with people think. I am a free black woman for a reason and if I want to love and be with someone from another race I can. I feel the kids of today are not so much into what race people are, its mainly racist comments coming from the older generation. Slavery days are over so people should get over it. There will never be a area with all whites,blacks,mexicans,whoever as long as there is love in the world. God wrote our beginnings and he’ll write our end and that’s something no one can take from us.

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