It’s Time We Showed a Little Compassion for The School Yard Bully

There have been numerous articles, talk shows, and even news casts about the problem of bullying among children these days. For people who have school age children this is a real concern. No one wants to see their child bullied by other kids.

While it is only natural to feel empathy and compassion for the child who is being bullied and most of us truly feel for that child and everything they are forced to go through, maybe we should all pause a moment and extend a bit of the sympathy to the bully as well.

Have you ever stopped to consider what makes a child a bully? In most cases it is not simply because a child enjoys being mean to others. Many times, bullying is a child’s way of protecting themselves.

Children bully for all sorts of reasons.

Children Bully Because they are Bullied

It may because they are bullied by an older sibling or even a parent at home. This bullying may be physical, verbal, or emotional. It really doesn’t matter because it all leads to the same end. The child feels no self worth. He is made to feel constantly bad about himself and he has this unquenchable need to feel better about who he is.

So, he resorts to bullying other. Having the upper hand among his peers or younger children, makes him feel powerful, makes him feel a sense of self importance, makes him feel powerful and gives him the control he lacks outside of school or the playground.

He is hurting so he wants to make others hurt so he can feel better.

Children Bully Because they See that Bullying Works

Even if a child is not bullied at home he may see his parents bully others to get what they want. He does not see that his parents are disliked and maybe feared, what he sees, what message his parents are sending to him is that bullying works.

This child may see bullying as a way to gain friends mistaking their fear of him for respect or simply because he does not know any other way to relate to others because bullying is the only thing he has learned.

Children learn by example and the example he has seen over and over is that of a person using bullying tactics to get their way.

Children Bully Because they are Told Too

While not too many parents would come right out and tell their child to bully others, many parents give their children messages that convey just that feeling.

When a parent tells their child over and over again that they were bullied in school and don’t want the same thing to happen to them, the child gets the message that they either have to be a bully or a victim.

They get the same message when they are told not to let anyone take advantage of them and to not let anyone push them around.

Many times children only see things in black and white. They may simply believe they either have a choice to be a victim or to be a bully. They don’t see a middle ground. By bullying they may actually believe they are taking their parents advice.

The problem is that as parents we don’t always see how our own behavior and words affect of our children. While none of us want our children to be bullied, we also need to be aware that our own actions may be making our own child a bully.

We need to start looking for signs that our child just may be that school yard bully just as vigilantly as we watch for signs that our child may be a victim.

Bullies are rarely created in a vacuum. A child who is bullying is just as much a victim as the child who is being bullied. In either case, we as parents need to help our child deal with their feelings and change their behavior.