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An estimated 500,000 pregnancies are lost every year in the developed world alone.  Half a million unlived lives and uncountable hearts broken.  1 in every 148 babies are stillborn and 3 in every 1000 babies die shortly after birth.  The rates of loss are higher in underdeveloped nations.  October 9-15 has been designated as pregnancy loss awareness week globally.  The week winds up with the “Wave of Light” on October 15, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  People light candles in memory of all lost babies to symbolize their love and caring for all bereaved families. Official observance and awareness in communities helps families overcome their grief while also raising awareness of the shocking commonness of this tragedy.  This awareness will hopefully encourage more research and raise the possibility of more lives of lost babies being saved.

A miscarriage affects the entire family from the mother, father, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  Unfortunately, the lack of social awareness has lead to many of those suffering their grief to do so in silence.  People tend not to talk about it for varied reasons.  They may not want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or sad.  They may not want to trigger their own grief and end up a sobbing mess.  They may not want to hear the lame cliches that everyone thinks of in these situations such as:  “You’re young, you can have another” or “Maybe it was meant to be”.  Or, worst of all, they may be afraid that others will think they caused their own baby’s death.

The family, particularly the parents, are constantly having their grief triggered.  Babies and pregnant women are everywhere you look from your neighbours to the mall to on television.  It can make you afraid to even leave the house sometimes!  Even when watching television, you can be triggered by a commercial when watching a “safe” babyfree show.  I know one time when my husband were watching t.v., we saw a commercial which instantly made me break down in tears.  It was for the E.R. season premiere.  A lady was having an ultrasound and was told there was no heartbeat.  We were watching Two and a Half Men specifically to avoid having grief triggered.  The commercial came so suddenly and unexpectedly that I didn’t turn the channel.  The situation on the commercial is exactly what happened to us and shocked me into intense grief for hours afterwards.  It seems like it’s the same sort of situation as when you buy a car.  When you buy a Honda Pilot or whatever, you suddenly see them everywhere you look.  When you lose a baby, they are everywhere you look as well.

In the vast majority of cases, the cause of the loss is unknown.  In my family’s loss, we were told that our lost son was perfect except for the fact that he was dead.  Because the cause of the loss is unknown, it makes it very hard to prevent.  Further research could lead to more information being available to pregnant parents that could help increase their chances of having a healthy child.

On the other hand, it’s surprising how many miscarriages could have been avoided by better prenatal testing.  A good example of this is a condition called vasa praevia which is a complication that causes massive hemorrhaging.  This hemorrhaging causes fetal death in 95% of cases.  The condition can be detected through harmless ultrasound testing as early as 16 weeks.  And when it’s detected, the fetal survival rate is nearly 100%!  There are countless miscarriages which are caused by a poor prenatal diagnosis which could have been avoided.

Baby loss awareness week runs from October 9 – 15.  Many communities have memorials or Walks to Remember during this week.  The image of the butterfly is commonly used in reference to lost babies throughout history.  They are powerful symbols of transformation in many cultures and belief systems.  The transformation refers to the baby’s soul moving from a physical body to a spiritual body as well as the family’s eternal transformation by their babies short lives.  Our family attended a butterfly release in the summer as a way to memorialize our loss  (that’s my hand holding the butterfly below).  Think of attending such memorial walks in your own community to show your support and awareness for pregnancy and infant loss awareness week.

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Baby loss awareness ribbons are half pink and half blue to represent all the babies lost, both boys and girls.  Tragically, many parents will never know whether the baby they lost was a son or a daughter.  Wearing these ribbons will help to spread awareness and offer some comfort to grieving families as they struggle to put their lives back together.  So, pin on your ribbons (can be purchased online or made at home) and light your candles on October 15 at 7 p.m. so that a wave of light covers the world and memorializes all babies taken too soon.